This is actually the weird thing I find about me.
When I am not drinking (am a binge drinker so have periods where I don't touch the stuff) I try to be the best person I can. I try to be honest, I try to help people, I try to make those around me who are having troubles life easier.
When I drink, I'm just there, in the hole, not thinking, mostly a blackout drinker.
Mostly having to make up to people for the things I would say I would do, then didn't, cos I was out of it.
I won't go into it. But I had a perfect life, perfect. I loved everything about it.
And I didnt drink.
Then because of family troubles, I had to move back to the place I escaped from in the first place.
I just feel trapped and somewhere I don't want to be...but have to be.
I feel just trapped.
I lost a man I loved to death, by choosing to come here
I lost a lifestyle I loved
I just feel trapped in a slum, alone
Is that self pity? Probably
I just don't want to be here