I am so sorry you are going through such heartache and I know when kids are involved how torn you can feel. I am going through a similar situation. My husband and I have two small children together. I always had that "something is off with him" feeling and ignored all of the signs in order to keep the peace and our children happy. But it all came to a hault one night when he just didn't come home from work because he went on a binge. I knew this wasn't a one time thing...after all he's an addict and they don't just "occasionally" use. So that was my out...in the middle of the night when he was "missing" I packed up some things for the kids and I and moved in with my parents. Not the best thing for a 35 year old but for me it was a safe place where my kids would be loved and cared for. Its been 3 months that I have been gone and in that time he has been relentless with me and playing the woe is me card every single day. It's EXHAUSTING!! Everything is about him and how lonely he is. He cries, pleads with me, yells at me, tries to make me feel crazy. I'm a hamster on a wheel and I want OUT! I've been holding off on a divorce because I'm scared he's going to loose it and harm himself. But I have to get to a point where I can stop putting my life on hold. How are you doing with things? Have you made any moves to distance yourself? Just wanted you to know you are not alone and I can understand how painful this is.