Yes Aries
You make sense.
While I apprieciate the time it takes someone to post a reply, I feel bad enough already, you know?
I have done a LOT of work with CBT seperating who I am, from my bad behaviours. Doesn't mean I don't acknowledge I behaved badly, but means it doesn't define me. I am good and bad.
I am trying to turn around the behaviours that make me feel bad..that make other people feel bad.
This thread has helped me a lot. I'm not alone.
What has especially touched me has been peoples stories of watching their parents die still in addiction.
I really don't want my kids to have that added to their list of bad memories of me.
Yes, the past is gone, no changing it.
Have to just get past this..I know it's useless mulling over it.
The only thing we have is today and today I will not drink..yes.
I know I'm seeming needy and like I need carrying. I've never needed carrying in my life. But I admit you lot on here are carrying me now