I will add one thing, which some people will not agree with.
That "alcoholics" are selfish.
Really, when I didn't drink probmatically, I wasn't selfish. In fact my therapist spent years trying to make me see that my needs were as important as anyone eles that I tried to fulfill.
My drinking was selfish.
My NEED to drink was selfish
This is what I am trying to come to terms with, within myself. That I could continue to do such a selfish act, when I knew it was damanging other people.
I think my OCD didn't just "go away" when I managed to control it. I think it went to drinking.
I drank "normally" for 20 years. Once a week, out with my friends.
Until I was 36.
The AA meetings I went to, were a lot of people saying "My first drink had me, I was hooked"
I wasn't like that.
I couldn't connect.
Drink was a minute part of my life. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and chronic anxiety and PTSD from being 14 and I didn't drink to take it away, I used other methods.
I saw a psychotherapist, and had a really wierd spiritual experince when I was 36. When I felt better..I started to drink. Before then, I was too afraid to drink irresponsibly.
The better my mind got, the more I drank.
I have read that rats who produce more seretontin drink more than rats with low levels.
After I recovered from the recurring depression, therefore my seratotin was up, I did start drinking more.
Of course, none of the whys or whyfors matter. All that matters is I stop.
When I don't drink, I am a happy person, the only thing that throws me back into the mindset that I had from 14 to 36 is drinking.
I don't even understand why I would want to keep putting myself back into that dark place.