Originally Posted by
fripfrop 
But Dee, Sometimes I think, even if I was able to stop for good, it's too late to prove anything to them now, they have their own lives. Deep in my mind I think, they would be thinking.."well if you can give up now, why couldn't you have given up when it mattered?"
These thoughts always kick in after a couple of days of not drinking..and they always lead back to the same path..I have no idea why I torment myself, because it does no good to anyone, least of all them
IME trust is impossible to rebuild when the drinking continues. I didn't trust my mother for a VERY long time after she quit (and I knew when there were relapses, even if the rest of my family said I was imaging things - I KNEW, my radar was so in tune with her) - and I was in my 20s when the trust had come, and was violated one last time *that I knew of*. It took longer and I still worry that she is "off" as we call it and it is not just because of her bipolar disease, but maybe drinking. And it will take plenty of time for my parents (and my brother, which is in some ways a much tougher situation) to trust me. They may only getting to 99% trusting my sobriety because they are parent and worry, because of what I put them through, because they are human and I hurt them desperately.
BUT. I will tell you that no matter how grown your children are, children WANT to be able to forgive parents, and vice versa. Even the angriest, most hurt among us want to be able to trust and love our family. No matter what we say.
But if you are still drinking- no dice.
I hope you can still that inner voice enough to get sober and try for that regain. You have to get sober for you, but as others have said, that trust can come after diligent, consistent, sober ACTION.
I bet it's not too late. And you as well as them will be glad if you all get there.