Originally Posted by
Badgerlock 
Thanks for the support and kind words. I know I need help, but I feel that some kind of structured outside care would do more harm to my life and family than just finding a group that can help me keep perspective.
You have a wife and kids. The best thing you can do for them is to get healthy. It is INCREDIBLY hard to do that alone. A few weeks of structured support and accountability and learning about addiction from professionals will mean 18 years of being actually present for your wife and kids as your family grows up.
There are so many things in your posts that are classic addict self rationalizations - the fact that you won't hit bottom at work (eg are a functioning alcoholic), that you would be selfish to ask your wife to stop drinking and therefore you can't stop, that you can't get help because you need to be there. It is all textbook denial and rationalization and very familiar! One of the best things about addiction treatment is that people call eachother out on their BS.
As someone who waited until my kids were older to stop, I can't tell you how much I would give to know back when they were little what I know now. The shame, guilt, hangovers, rationalizations, and time and money wasted obsessing over alcohol in the last 17 years is something I can never reverse. Also it gets harder to quit every year.
Get help now. There are MANY paths. I found a great outpatient program - could not have done it without them. Others do manage alone or with SMART or AA or a therapist. Find what works and execute.