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9:30 AM Drunk, Working, Guily

Old 06-30-2016, 09:53 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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How do you do it? Well, for me it needed me to accept that I am an alcoholic and that I can't reliably ever take 'just one drink'. I'd had plenty of half-arsed failed attempts at cutting down or whatever before the time that is my sobriety date by the way.

When I finally did get sober, a big part of this was accepting that alcohol makes my life unmanageable in various ways: I didn't perform well on my job, merely doing the bare minimum and always in a state of stress and resentments about it; I was emotionally unavailable for my partner and family; money problems due to bad spending while drunk and to cheer myself up when sober; other compulsive behaviours that I won't go into on here that could be damaging to my reputation, professional status and relationship; my home was a a dirty, chaotic, pigsty; and other ways that generated a mix of shame, self-pity and anger, which I'd always reached to alcohol to sooth the pain of. But finally I acknowledged the cyclical nature of my problem but I was still drinking. Then something happened and I reached a slightly new low. But. 'slightly' or not, it made me realise that I HAD TO CHANGE. Me. Nothing or no one else. ME. Because what I hated about my life was ME. Who I had become. And I couldn't change that while I was still drinking. I found myself feeling that special kind of desperate which gave me the willingness to start to try things that I hadn't been prepared to do before. Like stay sober. Like join this forum. Like go to AA. And later, when I realised that AA is about more than drinking coffee and chatting, and those desperation levels started raising again (because I wasn't really working on my sobriety on a personal level. Not really ) I did one of the hardest things I have ever done, and asked someone to be my sponsor and committed myself to working the 12-step programme with their support. Hard maybe, but I maintain that I learn more working those steps than I did at 4 years doing my degree and postgraduate course at the University of Cambridge. And it has had an even more positive impact on my day to day living as well I reckon.

Anyway. That's my journey so far. How YOU do it will be down to your own acceptance and your own willingness, and what you choose to do. Your thread so far already kind of smacks of someone who hasn't really accepted the impact that alcohol has on his own life and on his family and partner (because, I'd bet that she'd happily not have that drink if it would help you to stick to sobriety yourself ) and you sound like you're asking how you can stop drinking, but have already disregarded anything that will involve outside help. That's not willingness.

When you want to get sober more than you want to continue as you have been doing (not just because at this point in time the getting-away-with-it magic seems to be a little off-kilter), then you will find yourself willing.

When people talk about rock bottoms, it's important to remember that rock bottoms look very different from each other. We don't have to lose everything. I only lost my self respect, my sanity, and any sober friends I'd had. I still kept my home, my job and my partner, but I'm sure that given more time out there I'd have started to lose those one at a time as well.

I wish you well in your sober recovery.
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Old 07-01-2016, 06:51 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Badgerlock View Post
That's part of the problem. She is a very responsible and reasonable drinker. We have little kids and for her a relaxing drink after the kids go to bed helps her keep above the depression of stress. 100% she would be supportive, but the guilt of asking her to give up something that helps her to satisfy my needs is crushing for me. I feel so selfish and evil.
Bull. You are using that as an excuse to keep drinking. I recognize you in me.
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Old 07-01-2016, 06:59 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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My husband still drinks and there is always alcohol in the house.

I hit six months sober today.

It CAN be done. This board is a lifesaver...I pretty much lived here for the first few months.

Oh, and everybody thinks they're high-functioning and nobody at work knows...but alcohol reeks and it really reeks at 9:30 in the morning. Next thing you know, you're in your boss' office with HR and they're having your things packed up.

Get your life back?
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Old 07-01-2016, 07:00 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Badgerlock View Post
Thanks for the support and kind words. I know I need help, but I feel that some kind of structured outside care would do more harm to my life and family than just finding a group that can help me keep perspective.
You have a wife and kids. The best thing you can do for them is to get healthy. It is INCREDIBLY hard to do that alone. A few weeks of structured support and accountability and learning about addiction from professionals will mean 18 years of being actually present for your wife and kids as your family grows up.

There are so many things in your posts that are classic addict self rationalizations - the fact that you won't hit bottom at work (eg are a functioning alcoholic), that you would be selfish to ask your wife to stop drinking and therefore you can't stop, that you can't get help because you need to be there. It is all textbook denial and rationalization and very familiar! One of the best things about addiction treatment is that people call eachother out on their BS.

As someone who waited until my kids were older to stop, I can't tell you how much I would give to know back when they were little what I know now. The shame, guilt, hangovers, rationalizations, and time and money wasted obsessing over alcohol in the last 17 years is something I can never reverse. Also it gets harder to quit every year.

Get help now. There are MANY paths. I found a great outpatient program - could not have done it without them. Others do manage alone or with SMART or AA or a therapist. Find what works and execute.
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