Thanks to everyone for taking the time to get back to me. I think I may lose some friends, which is sad, but the ones who are heavy drinkers are likely to reject me as I'm a reminder that they're not as in control as they might think they are. I have other friends who drink less, and some who aren't addicts but don't drink for health reasons. (When you think about it, in addition to being a drug, alcohol is really just empty calories.) I'm comfortable with spending more me time. I have so much more time now it seems so I should be able to enjoy my hobbies more now. I can imagine I'll meet some new people there, around activities that aren't alcohol related. I can see now how I drew heavy drinkers into my life before. There's a camaraderie in addiction.
I also agree that I'll have to start avoiding situations where drinking is the primary focus. For instance, my family and I went to a street fair last weekend. There were plenty of beer tents of course, but there were also lots of games for the kids, food trucks, music and vendors. I had a great time there sober. In fact, it felt so much better than wasting time and money in the beer tent, then feeling foggy the rest of the day. (Or even worse, getting home and popping open a bottle of wine. Once I start, I don't like to stop!) Anyway, we then ran into some friends who wanted to go to a local brewery. I have some fond memories of the place, but it's a place to drink and nothing else . I can't imagine that situation being anything but a danger zone. I turned them down. So even though there was alcohol at both events, I was fine at the street fair but am sure I would not have been at the brewery.
I was really not expecting sobriety to require so much restructuring of my life! I'm not late stages or anything, no job loss, DUI's, physical withdrawal, etc so I figured my life would pretty much go on as usual, just without alcohol. I see now how incredibly naive this was. Alcohol was a much bigger part of my life than I had suspected.
For instance, one of my biggest trigger times is right after work, when I get home and start the "second shift" with dinner and homework. My former ritual was to dump my briefcase and head straight for the fridge to grab a bottle of white wine. Just looking at that dewey bottle instantly calmed me and helped with my transition from work to home. I would then pour a glass and chop vegetables for dinner and chat with my husband, etc. I would always finish the bottle. On bad nights, I'd open a second. On really bad nights, I'd finish that one too. (I feel like crying just typing that.) After my decision go sober this was a teeth gnashing time for me. I had to ask myself WHY the pull of alcohol was so tough for me at this time, and I realized that I was using it as a way to transition from work to home. It obviously signaled something my psyche really needed.
So, the next day I left work early and stopped at Target before heading home. I bought some soft tie pants and tops, the kind you lounge about in on weekends, as well as some lavender bath oils and soaps. When I got home my supportive husband sorta held the kids at bay and I immediately headed upstairs. There, I took off my work clothes and took a quick shower using the bath oils and soaps. I washed my face. I put on my nice lounging pants and top and came downstairs and poured a nice, refreshing glass of seltzer water and added a lemon. Then I began making dinner, chatting with my family, kids, etc. I had zero pull for wine!! That was it! I needed a new ritual. Now I look forward to that shower and those pants and my scented oils when I get back from work. I wash my day away and ease into home life.
I have another trigger that when I have a really stressful day at work I tend to stop by the bar for a warmer drink before heading home. I know I have to deal with this trigger. We have a gym membership and the gym has a hot tub and sauna. I'm going to keep a bag packed with a bathing suit in my car, so on stressful days I can head to the gym hot tub after work instead of the bar.
It's really amazing to me now to see how I used alcohol in so many aspects of my life. Going sober is so much more than just "not drinking". Thanks for listening. It feels really good to type this.