We Can Choose To Change
I used this phrase on another post tonight and I thought I would start a thread about it.
We all came here miserable and desperate, and our lives were in chaos. When I first came, I was blessed to meet people who had worked their program longer than me. These people had been through as much or worse than I had, and yet I saw peace, spirituality, strength and courage and I knew that I wanted it too.
And in order to get it, I had to choose to change. I couldn't change without making a conscious choice to do so and I had to start with little changes and grow.
I chose to identify what areas of my life were driving me crazy. And chose to look at my own actions and what part they played in the picture. In the end it was my own actions that made me crazy. I was a master spy, snooping and checking and setting traps. I was an emotional manipulator. I was a scared tired woman who didn't want to live like this.
When I chose to change my behaviour, I began to recover.
I chose to go to meetings. I chose to read every single codependent recovery book I could find. I chose to work the 12-steps and I chose to go to church and make a spiritual connection with God. I chose not to be a victim anymore.
I chose to set boundaries, and I chose to enforce them. I chose to have fun, when I really didn't feel like it. I chose to take an hour each day just for me, to light a candle, play soft music and pray and meditate.
I chose to come on these boards and I chose to dedicate extra time as a moderator to strengthen my own recovery.
I chose to love and accept, I chose not to participate in anyone else's chaos, I chose to let go and let God, and I chose to be happy.
The alternative was to choose to stay the same by repeating the same behaviour that had brought me here.
Yes I was fresh out of choices - so I chose to change. And by the Grace of God I have changed. And I am happy and at peace.
What will you choose?