Originally Posted by
BettyRubble99 
RedAtlanta ~ you hit the nail on the head. Hubby DOES have it made, at my expense......all the reasons you mentioned, plus no one knows it is happening!
My post was long enough, but I left out a lot.....yes, I do enjoy his company when he is not acting like King Baby in the office. Since I left home AH has had a huge chip (Boulder) on his shoulder, and does very little to contribute to the business these days. Entitled, cold and demeaning to others, pouty. He and I are both salaried, so I guess that's yet another piece of cake for him. Coast til payday and do it all again! :-/
You're right, it IS a sh!t deal for me. Thanks for helping me to see some things.....you are entirely correct, he won't be rocking the boat. Plus, I think he has been on a personal
PR campaign the past several months, he has turned into Mr. Nice Guy (joined a civic organization, volunteering at church, etc.).....he has a motive, and who knows what type of picture he paints (however subtly) of me. I shouldn't let my guard down.
I will have to think long and hard what it is keeping me in limbo.
Your comment that you are "trapped" is a feeling most here felt. I certainly felt it myself when my husband relapsed. We had put out a tremendous amount of cash prior to him relapsing. I knew he would not go easily, that I would have to exit the home in interim (which was mine previous to him), that I would most likely have to support both homes during that time (he had moved here from another state and had to make some business changes, his cash flow was tighter than mine. Plus I felt that his drinking would escalate most likely and I wouldn't be able to count on him being responsible, or caring). So, I know that trapped feeling very well.
However, no one is trapped. We are only trapped in our minds and in our perceptions. I have seen people here whose circumstances were way worse (financially) than mine, with kids, with pets, without income find their way out and go on to fine lives. You will see those posts on here fairly often "A year later". Its fascinating to me to read how they thought, then to see them overcome large obstacles.
I don't know if you will end up ending the marriage or getting back together, nor is that what I am encouraging you to solve right now. I'm encouraging you to solve the "trapped" feeling. Until you do, it will be hard for you to decide what your "true" feelings are. For now feeling trapped its as if you are in jail and there are no alternatives - you don't look for them. I assume you have probably fallen into the "hope for the best" category, hope that he will eventually decide to clean his act up. Hope that he will stop drinking. Hope that he will see the light. That you are here and discussing your situation is a good sign that you realize this isn't a situation you can stay in as is.
You and your husband are in a game of chicken, and he is winning. Who is going to swerve and avoid the oncoming car? So far its been you.
P.S. Secrecy, lies and deception are hallmarks of alcoholic relationships. That you are "hiding" his problem, and hiding your own circumstances, are hallmark codependent and enabling behaviors. Another strike in your husband's favor, and one in which you participate. It is tiring to live a lie. Its VERY isolating, as you have described. Why do you think you have hidden this from your close friends I am curious? Do you not want them to think badly of your husband? Sometimes when we live a lie its a form of denial, and a way to not to have to address our issues.