I'm so sorry you're going through this. That must be so hard. First thing I would do if I were you would be to get myself sober. Period. You can't help your grandbabies if you're drinking. Your daughter could -- and may -- use that against you. You can't control your daughter or what she does, but you can control that. Second, the only way you're going to see your grandchildren is if you put up with your daughter. If you cut her out of your life, you won't see them either. Your daughter doesn't sound very stable and kids need stability. You can provide that if you're sober. Your daughter sounds like she's using the kids to get you to do what she wants (i.e. put up with her boyfriends, let her be a slob), but it's your house and you need to be very clear about what's acceptable and what isn't. She'll find out that her friends will only put up with her for so long -- especially with a baby and a 2-yr-old. She should be grateful that you're allowing her and the children to live with you. Frankly, it sounds like she needs to move out on her own and get a reality check. But first, YOU need to get well.