Thank you for all the great suggestions. Last night at the meeting my therapist who has 30 plus years sobriety and is an addiction counselor came in late and sat next to me. I hadn't been seeing him in some months but I spoke to him after the meeting and plan to see him this week, probably Friday.
The thing is I just go over the same things like a broken record. I have worked hard staying sober but I don't take enough action in situations I needed to take care of. It's all my own fault. Procrastination and indecision, fear, depression, have really put my family in a terrible position. I just really hate myself right now.