Originally Posted by
Bekindalways 
Yep Hope, you sound like one of us. Welcome to the club and so sorry you seem to have all the qualifications to belong.
As another Christian, it took me years to realize that Christ practiced constructive selfishness. There was the time he had had it with the crowds and took off with his buddies across the Sea of Galilee. Furthermore he snuck off to pray leaving everyone looking for him. Finally he didn't mince words with folks when they were mucking up. Nor did he get in there way to stop them when they were headed for big mistakes and huge consequences. Think the betrayal by Judas and the denial by Peter.
Wow. That helps. I was convinced that "to love as Christ loves" is equivalent to not let another person hurt. But, those are two different things. I guess it is similar to how God will not/can not force us to choose Him. Just like we cannot try to force fix our addicts/alcoholics. That is where detaching with love must come from...
I came across this quote after posting my original post here -- "Of all the powers, love forgives the most but condones the least." - Timothy Keller.
I have to remind myself that not condoning his behavior does not mean I don't love him. It does not mean that I don't forgive him. It just means I am not okay with it, and am not going to accept it as okay. God convicts us when we are doing wrong, and this does not mean He no longer loves us. It means He loves us enough to not let us go on that way...