my story, the short version.
I started getting drunk at 15, started habitually getting drunk at 18, started seriously trying to quit at age 21.
I had a counselor who directed me towards AA in Ithaca. I liked Ithaca AA, for the most part. I was able to put 30 consecutive days together at one point during my final semester of college.
it was about this time I registered on this Website - you can look through my posting history and get a glimpse of my struggles with alcohol.
moved back downstate to Long Island, NY. didn't like AA at all. meetings were much more 'fundamentalist'. Serenity Prayer in Ithaca replaced by Lord's Prayer here on LI. people took exception to the fact I didn't have a Sponsor - in fact one of them unilaterally declared himself my Sponsor. people took exception to my skepticism about the Disease model. etc
then I discovered SMART and AVRT as I started to learn more about addiction and recovery. I was able to piece together 63 days one time, 70 days another. by age 23 I was drinking a lot less, but would still get very drunk on the occasions I did drink.
the final drunk was Jan 29/30, 2015 - definitely a "bottom". I won't go into many of the details.. suffice it to say I was held up in an ER for most of 24 hours and not sure I would be allowed to go home or would be sent to inpatient mental health against my will, as it was my second time there in a year in similar circumstances. fortunately the staff shrink declared me sane and let me go home.
the memory of that night instantly killed the desire I have to drink. I live with two Disabled people, my family needs my help on a daily basis. due to the alcohol use I was (almost) put in a position where I could not help them. I had crossed some moral line within myself that it was finally, enough is enough.
anytime I have a feeling like "hey, a PBR would sit well in my stomach right now", which isn't terribly often, it's remarkably easy for me to recognize that it simply isn't worth it.
I'm not an AVRT fundamentalist in that I reject the "Big Plan"; the time and place may come for me to drink again, but it won't be so long as people I love and have cared for me are still here and need my care.
I also have more positive reasons for not wanting to drink. I've lost between 40 and 45 pounds since my peak, beer would always cause my stomach to swell up and lead to unhealthy eating binges while drunk.
so, I just wanted to throw my hand up, as somebody who is pretty well-versed in both AVRT and SMART, and I credit both with giving me the tools to realize I have the power to not drink. SMART's toolbox also has helped me deal with some other issues I have, ie, Depression and Social phobia.
look forward to chatting, if anyone would like. thanks for reading