Thanks everyone.
I actually had a counseling appt a while ago at a DV counseling service, however, I found out that counselor has a connection to my X through his work, so that's out. And she is the only one there.
My county does offer services, but I don't fit the income guidelines for a reduced rate. It's not that I am destitute or anything, I have a good job. It is just that I went through ALL of my savings paying off large joint debt recently left over from our divorce, and I am also paying for my children's counseling which is expensive. Combined with the extra I am paying for the kids being home in the summer, it's just not something I can afford at this time.
I am going to keep checking though, and in the mean time, I will continue to read, post here on SR, go to CR, stay in bible study, and will show up to my pastor next week and see how it goes. I truly don't think it's personal, I was just surprised more than anything.
I had lunch with a friend today and realized that I have people in my life, I just have to learn to reach out to them when I need a shoulder. I am a lucky person to have all of you wonderful people, and also many here where I live that truly care for me and my children. I don't want to forget how blessed I really am!
On a funny note, my daughter just saw a distant cousin of my X. He asked where her dad was, she told him he is remarried, etc. He could not believe it, he did not even know we were divorced. He asked my daughter if he has changed at all, and she said not really. The cousin said, "Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that. Well, tell your mom hi for me." Makes me realize people saw a lot more than I thought they did.