Acheleus,
Are you doing step work on a regular basis?
If not for the steps / the program of AA, I simply would not have stayed sober. Those principles provide me the tools I need to take life one day at a time. They are really a pretty simply flow chart of what to do when things crop up and a design for living. The problems, events and emotions you journal are common to us. I had to find a way to deal with them.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
I start my day with these thoughts and prayer - it puts me on a playing field where my mind is ready to approach the day. This is the first thing I do when I roll out of bed, on my knees.......the prayer is derived from the chapter of the big book Into Action / pg 86
God direct my thinking today so that it be divorced of self pity, dishonesty, self-will, self-seeking and fear. God inspire my thinking, decisions and intuitions. Help me to relax and take it easy. Free me from doubt and indecision. Guide me through this day and show me my next step. God give me what I need to take care of any problems. I ask all these things that I may be of maximum service to you and my fellow man.
These thoughts are but one sliver of the program - there are many. Your post brings this to mind; "Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon". Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
You are not alone in the rooms - reach out, please and keep posting on SR