I drank to keep myself alive. When I am sober I just want to vanish.
Ex gf who 13th stepped me drank around me. I hate myself. She cheated and hurt my mental and physical health. I feel like I cannot win.
A year sober and globg to stay away from bars. I miss playing music and reading.
I feel like I am worse off after entering aa and all. Maybe I associated with the wrong people.
You know what? I have no one. I cut contact with my mother and she was in jail.
A bankrupt, alcoholic father who lost his rented house and moved in with the woman who puts mail in his mailbox.
I think of how to die because I am so humiliated and embarrassed. A drunk, alcoholic woman treated me like garbage. How am I supposed to have hope? People suck. People are selfish, petty, and deceitful.
I don't have any relationships. No one wants anything to do with me.
But hey! I did stay sober. Feeling all the pain and sitting in it instead of napalming my brain with substances.
I told that sick woman to leave me alone and that she treated me like trash. I hate her and I told her I hated her.
No one taught me how to live. Father's parents? They offed themselves?
Mother's sister? Offed herself.
I am tired. Tired of insanity and chaos. I just wanted to get sober and have a life but I moved to a horrible place and dated a psycho.
So what now? I am sober and dying inside. I am exhausted. My ex slapped me, cheated on me, and just in general treated me like nothing.
Why did I let that happen?
I cannot sleep.
I cannot think.
I have no resources.
Everyone in my family is crazy. Father is 76 will not be around much longer. Everyone is older than me and I will have no family.
Why did I treat myself like garbage?
This is dumb I am sorry for posting.
I guess I left unhealthy ex and now I realize no one likes me. No one calls. No one taught me how to live.
Being sober just makes the horror of the past apparent. I remember more.
I just wanted a woman to love me and she humiliated me and laughed at me.
I hate my life. I hate it. I just exist.
Why? Why do I feel this way?
I thought I would feel stronger after leaving an abuser and staying sober.
I feel like a ghost.
No friendship with coworkers because I'm an alcoholic with my nice, healthy genes.
I think I understand why some christian mystics just wandered in the desert for years.
And that horrible tragedy in florida....why? Why did those people have to suffer? Why will their families continue to suffer? What is wrong with the human species?
When you look at things long enough you find things you are not inclined to laugh at.
Sorry. A year sober and out of an abusive relationship.
I must have been an easy mark for an abuser. She called me a spoiled bitch! I had only known her for four months.
I should have ran away from her.
Why did I let someone abuse me?
what was I supposed to learn? Aren't lonely people with no family and no support easy marks for abusers?
I can't sleep or function so I need help. I think I am having a breakdown.