I know. It bothers them that I don't drink. But what they do is not what I call "drinking" which scares me. Not many people drink the way I did. Anyways I just need to turn down invitations from now on and lay low. No, I do not want to return to drinking. Hell no. The bartender places TWO samples before me and I just thought of withdrawals, falling down stairs, and blackouts. My brain must be healing because I vividly recalled the hell of my alcoholic drinking.
Anyways I went to a meeting and stayed sober. I will be a year sober on the 16th.
I was scared. I just want to move and start over somewhere else. I made my mistakes when I first got sober (moved, school, relationship with a recovering alcoholic) and I can look back and realize I was just scared to look at my life and do the difficult internal work of realizing my true self and making decisions out of honesty instead of fear. I need a break and I cannot stand how these people nitpick me for drinking coke. I hate bars. I have to move so I will just try to put a plan in place. Most days I feel like a ghost walking around.
Positives! Almost a year sober and one month out of an unhealthy, abusive relationship. Things could be much worse if I was drinking. Right? 👿😬