I am currently splitting with my AH. And it has taken me almost 10 years to realize but the one more times and promises are just like anvil and hopeful and every one said just lies. We hope and trust and believe the lies only to be let down time and time again. The next $40 or last couple pills or drinks are always the last ones. Butits the first drink or drugs that cause the issue not the last ones.
This has helped me so maybe it can help you. Someone told me recently that you have to understand the nature of a thing to be able to accept it. For example the nature of a dog is to bark at the unknown. If a stranger comes around you would not be perplexed if your dog barks to let you know. Or if a baby cries to let you know its hungry or wetyou aren't shocked when they do.
But somehow we are shocked when an addict who has proven timeand again how unpredictable and unreliable they are exhibits signs of addiction. We are so shocked when the promise of no more is broken but it was broken so many othe times with no real proof of change.
I am in no way saying that it makes leaving easy or what they do right. But we keep trying to expect rational behavior when that goescompletely against their nature. People can change and there are many who have. But change looks like change and using looks like using.
We are here for you and you are stronger than you think.