Wow - you must be exhausted!
I am sick to my stomach thinking about how my inaction may have impacted our unborn child. I blame myself almost as much as my wife.
Her drinking while pregnant is not your fault. Not in any way, shape or form. PLease try to let go of that.
I get it, but how can I just sit here doing nothing...or at least feeling like I'm doing nothing?
It isn't the time to do nothing.
You have a laundry list to do if you want to make it out of this relatively unscathed.
Things that helped me - Yes me, not the addict (I'll echo there is nothing you can do there besides love her to the best of your ability, NOT enable her, and not let the consequences of her addiction kill you too.)
-read codependent no more
- counseling, with someone that knows the ins and outs of addiction
- Alanon, CODA, whatever - a group program and step work helps so much
- I hung out in here - A LOT - soon, you will see your same story unfold from others, time and time again and the knowledge here carries us through!
- I started taking care of myself - got back into my hobbies, reconnected with friends and family, exercised, ate right, generally just cleaned house on my life. It was long overdue, and it changed everything.
-Detached from the addict. I loved him, still care for him, but I quit doing anything with him if he was going to be drinking. It just wasn't fun for me anymore, and there are way too many other things in life that are fun / healthy / stimulating for me to be spending time with someone that was dragging me down and I felt like I had to monitor.
Many times when WE get healthy, our relationship dynamic changes drastically. Sometimes the addict follows suit and wants health for themselves, many times the addicts addiction and negative behaviors ramp up (after all we've stopped policing /pressuring / blaming / begging etc.) If that happens, hopefully we are in a place where we love ourselves enough to leave.
No matter what she does, you deserve a better life and can get it for yourself and your family. Best to you all in this painful situation.