I think for me it was after he went to rehab and was out of the house for 9 months. Those 9 months were such a relief, a great weight had been lifted from me. But I took him back because we had kids together and he had been sober for 9 months. I never felt the same about him, but determined to stay with him for the kids and moved heaven and earth to make it work until the last kid was 18. I think my main problem with him, drinking or not, was the same as my mom's problem, no real remorse or repentance. Oh he would fake remorse so I wouldn't kick him out, but there was no genuine remorse. Once I realized that they just didn't care how they were hurting me, I was able to emotionally let go, and then physically let go (no contact). But there were years in between those two "letting gos". It is not an easy process and I went through Alanon and years of counseling. Good luck, take care of yourself.