Thank you everyone for your words and advice.
I agree that I need to work on validating myself, and stop seeking it from the outside. I think I am still going through the stages of grief and I am constantly wavering in and out of denial myself.
The years of manipulation has really gotten to me and scrambled my brain. I'm now aware that a simple message from him triggers me and sends me spiraling out of control. When I try to confront him I am met with more of the same.... deflection and projection. My need to get him to take accountability for his actions is going to kill me because while I know he will not, I can't seem to stop!
How were you able to let go? Seems I am not there yet... my anger and resentment have me hanging on, needing justice or at least equality. It's astounding what you put up with when you're in a relationship with a drinker... and then you have to just let it all go...