Hi Wesley, you are lucky to have loving, forgiving family and girlfriend. If they can forgive you than you must forgive yourself. My younger brother had a problem with substance abuse and for a long time I allowed him to make my life miserable. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't be his safety net anymore and had to finally tell him that he was on his own. He straightened himself out and thanked me later for the tough love which by the way nearly killed me. He told me that he knew what he needed to stay away from but only when faced with losing his family did he do it for himself. Don't be the man you know everyone wants you to be, be the man you want to be for yourself and your loved ones and don't ever give up. Good luck and God bless and by the way, talking to God helped me out a lot. Just saying.