We were missing you GF.... glad you are back with us.
I have a couple concrete suggestions, if you have not read Annie Grace's book The Naked Mind, get it today, and check out Holly's site, Hip Sobriety, I think you would enjoy them both.
I think you should stop beating yourself up, you are doing your best, and we love you.
You are a badass, we all are. This is hard, very hard, but do-able. I like the idea of counting days sober and days drinking, so since you started this journey I bet you are +much more than 100 and -much less than 100.
Today I love meditation, massage, lots of water, forgiving myself, and Obladi.
I am also big on faith and trust -- have faith that if you do this, it will be worth it no matter how hard to seems at the moment, and trust in your self that you can do this and will do it when you can if you........
Just. Keep. Going.
I can do hard things.