Today is Yet Another Day
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Today is Yet Another Day
Obladi was having problems starting a new thread so I have started this for her, a continuation of the following thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-day-26.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-day-26.html
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Thanks, Scott!
Here's my "morning" check-in:
Sleepie,
In the right doses, I find that groups are helpful. Right now, I am at the point of being almost entirely comfortable with saying what I think and feel. Some days it's more like 70%, but for me that's still pretty good. I think this is why SR is a good forum for me - I'm saying things in public but I still have this anonymity to protect me. Going to group is the next step - again there is the anonymity, but now I'm looking people in the eye.
The big struggle for me in these situations is keeping it honest, remembering that I've got a lot of work to do, and resisting the temptation to appear like I've got it all together so that I can go rescue people. I like to be helpful (and I can be good at it), but it's a fine line sometimes between.... I'm not even sure how to articulate it. I guess it's a matter of keeping the focus where it needs to be rather than playing with smoke and mirrors. Not sure if that makes sense?
Here's my "morning" check-in:
Group sounds good (except for that incident). Do you find it helpful to have people around and in a group? I find that it does, in the past when I was going to meditations, it was always so much better and easier to do with a group, maybe something about connection with others.
In the right doses, I find that groups are helpful. Right now, I am at the point of being almost entirely comfortable with saying what I think and feel. Some days it's more like 70%, but for me that's still pretty good. I think this is why SR is a good forum for me - I'm saying things in public but I still have this anonymity to protect me. Going to group is the next step - again there is the anonymity, but now I'm looking people in the eye.
The big struggle for me in these situations is keeping it honest, remembering that I've got a lot of work to do, and resisting the temptation to appear like I've got it all together so that I can go rescue people. I like to be helpful (and I can be good at it), but it's a fine line sometimes between.... I'm not even sure how to articulate it. I guess it's a matter of keeping the focus where it needs to be rather than playing with smoke and mirrors. Not sure if that makes sense?
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
As it was Work From Home Monday, it was a good day.
Actually, it was better than good because I was sick starting Saturday night and the icks lasted into Sunday. Not sure if it was a migraine or something else, but my stomach was most certainly unhappy. Feeling so much better today.
Meeting tonight: the topic was how getting involved with any mood altering substances is a bad idea for an alcoholic. Agreed, no argument there. I'm fortunate in that I never was a pill person (as an adult - hold that thought) and I'm really not interested in smoking pot. And I never went to other street drugs.
Something about what someone else said reminded me of what I consider to be my first high. Not sure if I've written about it here before or not, but that was Tedral, a medication that's no longer on the market, but was administered to me as a wee child for asthma. Ingredients: theophylline, ephedrine and phenobarbital. It made me wired, and I secretly liked the feeling, but didn't think I could let on to mom. I don't know why I felt that needed to be a secret? Maybe because mom always seemed to think that it was a rough choice for me - whether to deal with the side affects of the medication or to wheeze like a rusty bellows.
I'm wondering today if maybe my feelings of guilt go back to those days? Dunno. Maybe.
Speaking of which, I've signed up for counseling One More Time, this time with someone who specializes in addiction and apparently has experience with trauma victims. Keep your fingers crossed for me because I really don't know that I could bear starting over again if this time doesn't click for me.
Actually, it was better than good because I was sick starting Saturday night and the icks lasted into Sunday. Not sure if it was a migraine or something else, but my stomach was most certainly unhappy. Feeling so much better today.
Meeting tonight: the topic was how getting involved with any mood altering substances is a bad idea for an alcoholic. Agreed, no argument there. I'm fortunate in that I never was a pill person (as an adult - hold that thought) and I'm really not interested in smoking pot. And I never went to other street drugs.
Something about what someone else said reminded me of what I consider to be my first high. Not sure if I've written about it here before or not, but that was Tedral, a medication that's no longer on the market, but was administered to me as a wee child for asthma. Ingredients: theophylline, ephedrine and phenobarbital. It made me wired, and I secretly liked the feeling, but didn't think I could let on to mom. I don't know why I felt that needed to be a secret? Maybe because mom always seemed to think that it was a rough choice for me - whether to deal with the side affects of the medication or to wheeze like a rusty bellows.
I'm wondering today if maybe my feelings of guilt go back to those days? Dunno. Maybe.
Speaking of which, I've signed up for counseling One More Time, this time with someone who specializes in addiction and apparently has experience with trauma victims. Keep your fingers crossed for me because I really don't know that I could bear starting over again if this time doesn't click for me.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Oh, the sorrow of aging.
I pulled something in my back yesterday - doing laundry?
On the bright side, it's really helping with my posture.
A rare occasion last night. I turned off all electronic devices and went to bed. This is the way to do it - just have to form the habit.
Sobriety-wise I got almost nothin right now. Except that it's a good feeling to know that the daughter came to my room in the dark of the night while I was sleeping and there was nothing to hide, nothing for her to discover. That's alright.
I pulled something in my back yesterday - doing laundry?
On the bright side, it's really helping with my posture.
A rare occasion last night. I turned off all electronic devices and went to bed. This is the way to do it - just have to form the habit.
Sobriety-wise I got almost nothin right now. Except that it's a good feeling to know that the daughter came to my room in the dark of the night while I was sleeping and there was nothing to hide, nothing for her to discover. That's alright.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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I pulled a muscle in my back getting some dishes way out from the back of a cabinet...i feel your pain..literally and figuratively! Turning off electronics before bed really helps me get better sleep too, it's hard to do though.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Sorry about both your backs O & Scott
Turning off electronics is the best way forward my only problem is when I still can't sleep after I do that which thankfully is rarely now plus I find reading at night really helps
Hope both your backs get better my younger brother just got over a back injury
Turning off electronics is the best way forward my only problem is when I still can't sleep after I do that which thankfully is rarely now plus I find reading at night really helps
Hope both your backs get better my younger brother just got over a back injury
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Thanks, guys.
Hope your back is getting better, Scott.
Mine is still tetchy, but I think it's on the mend.
The big trial of the day was getting myself to work. I'd checked the forecast last night and saw the high was going to be 45, so being as I was in a good mood and all, I donned a skirt and some crazy cool shoes plus my trench coat that (almost) fits me again. Got off the subway and the next bus was 25 minutes away. Normally no big deal - it's just under a mile to work and I usually can make that in under 15 minutes. But today, what with the back and the adorable shoes that kind of pinch and the trench coat in the high wind at under 20 degrees - well, let's just say it was a trial.
Came home tonight and immediately fired up my laptop "for a few minutes" to try to clean up some emails and when I looked up, I had 7 minutes to get to my meeting. Made it just in time to get coffee, phew.
I'm not sure what the "theme" was tonight - the speaker basically told his story of where he'd been and how he got to AA fifteen years ago. Hearing him and others speak, I was trying to be invisible enough to not get called on. Of course I did. So... I said essentially that what I've learned to date is to listen and learn what I can regardless of the message and I've found that being truly honest is what's helpful to me and to other people. And also, I have not reached the point of surrender. (As in, surrendering the way that AA people mean in the third step, is it?) Took a bit of courage to say the last bit, but it's true. I mean, I'm ok with it because I'm not at all sure yet that I need to surrender in that way, but it's not easy to say something like that in a meeting.
Afterward, one of the guys made a point to sit down for a few minutes with me to basically validate that whatever I think about IOP is ok. Which you know that I know, but it was nice of him to take the time out.
Hope your back is getting better, Scott.
Mine is still tetchy, but I think it's on the mend.
The big trial of the day was getting myself to work. I'd checked the forecast last night and saw the high was going to be 45, so being as I was in a good mood and all, I donned a skirt and some crazy cool shoes plus my trench coat that (almost) fits me again. Got off the subway and the next bus was 25 minutes away.
Normally no big deal - it's just under a mile to work and I usually can make that in under 15 minutes. But today, what with the back and the adorable shoes that kind of pinch and the trench coat in the high wind at under 20 degrees - well, let's just say it was a trial. Came home tonight and immediately fired up my laptop "for a few minutes" to try to clean up some emails and when I looked up, I had 7 minutes to get to my meeting. Made it just in time to get coffee, phew.
I'm not sure what the "theme" was tonight - the speaker basically told his story of where he'd been and how he got to AA fifteen years ago. Hearing him and others speak, I was trying to be invisible enough to not get called on. Of course I did. So... I said essentially that what I've learned to date is to listen and learn what I can regardless of the message and I've found that being truly honest is what's helpful to me and to other people. And also, I have not reached the point of surrender. (As in, surrendering the way that AA people mean in the third step, is it?) Took a bit of courage to say the last bit, but it's true. I mean, I'm ok with it because I'm not at all sure yet that I need to surrender in that way, but it's not easy to say something like that in a meeting.
Afterward, one of the guys made a point to sit down for a few minutes with me to basically validate that whatever I think about IOP is ok. Which you know that I know, but it was nice of him to take the time out.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Good morning/afternoon.
I'm down a few more pounds which means I have found a few more options in my closet. For me, changing clothes more than a couple of times is a pretty good indicator of mental health. I think it took about six changes for me to hit on the right thing this morning.
Now that I have two kids in the house again, the clutter factor has increased. Took a breath this morning and then tidied it all up. Mental health indicator number two: general state of the house = I wouldn't mind if you stopped by. Check.
The dog is grousing even though it's an hour before his usual walk time. Someone really needs to teach him how to read time.
I'm down a few more pounds which means I have found a few more options in my closet. For me, changing clothes more than a couple of times is a pretty good indicator of mental health. I think it took about six changes for me to hit on the right thing this morning.
Now that I have two kids in the house again, the clutter factor has increased. Took a breath this morning and then tidied it all up. Mental health indicator number two: general state of the house = I wouldn't mind if you stopped by. Check.
The dog is grousing even though it's an hour before his usual walk time. Someone really needs to teach him how to read time.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Just one "good" constellation out this morning, but I don't know what it is. Tried to draw it here with asterisks but it didn't work out, so I'll have to get resourceful.
When I was walking this morning, I remembered something I wanted to write about but keep forgetting...
One morning maybe a month ago, I encountered a guy who runs early every morning. As I almost do when I'm crossing paths with someone, I greeted him with a "good morning." You know how there's that thing where you don't exactly meet someone's eye if you don't know them? Like that. Guy was wearing headphones but also said good morning to me. One beat later, he said "Or not." Clearly, he hadn't heard me.
If that isn't a fine example of how one's own perspective can color everything, I don't know what it is. Memo to self: "When things are looking crappy, take the headphones off, Obladi."
When I was walking this morning, I remembered something I wanted to write about but keep forgetting...
One morning maybe a month ago, I encountered a guy who runs early every morning. As I almost do when I'm crossing paths with someone, I greeted him with a "good morning." You know how there's that thing where you don't exactly meet someone's eye if you don't know them? Like that. Guy was wearing headphones but also said good morning to me. One beat later, he said "Or not." Clearly, he hadn't heard me.
If that isn't a fine example of how one's own perspective can color everything, I don't know what it is. Memo to self: "When things are looking crappy, take the headphones off, Obladi."
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
was out on a trail with my dog a couple of weeks ago, and as usual made her sit and stay when i saw a runner coming. usually, they get it and most thank me.
this one stopped, looked at the solidly sitting dog, smiled at me and said: "oh, one of those days, eh?"
"huh? how do you mean, one of those days?"
"one of those days when the dog refuses to go on, i mean....hope she is willing to, soon."
yup. totally different perceptions of the same fact
this one stopped, looked at the solidly sitting dog, smiled at me and said: "oh, one of those days, eh?"
"huh? how do you mean, one of those days?"
"one of those days when the dog refuses to go on, i mean....hope she is willing to, soon."
yup. totally different perceptions of the same fact
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Exactly, fini.
As one of my ex-boyfriends used to say, "Perception is reality."
Apparently, my morning constellation is Sagittarius?
How disappointing. I was hoping it was going to be a dolphin or something...
Went to group tonight and might I just say that I'm mighty glad that I wasn't part of this group before? Several of the observations people made were that this was a really good group. Whereas my observation was that I was very uncomfortable. Perception is reality. Word.
This one guy... I've been in group with him for like two months and every single time his share is that he's happy being sober, life is great, no cravings, it's all good. Tonight I said, "Seriously? You've never shared any problem whatsoever since I met you; is that for real?" He said yup, I'm sober it's all good. Well then, all I can say is Goodonya. I spose he could be one of them for whom the problem WAS alcohol and that's all she wrote. Would that it would be so straight-forward for the rest of us.
As one of my ex-boyfriends used to say, "Perception is reality."
Apparently, my morning constellation is Sagittarius?
How disappointing. I was hoping it was going to be a dolphin or something...
Went to group tonight and might I just say that I'm mighty glad that I wasn't part of this group before? Several of the observations people made were that this was a really good group. Whereas my observation was that I was very uncomfortable. Perception is reality. Word.
This one guy... I've been in group with him for like two months and every single time his share is that he's happy being sober, life is great, no cravings, it's all good. Tonight I said, "Seriously? You've never shared any problem whatsoever since I met you; is that for real?" He said yup, I'm sober it's all good. Well then, all I can say is Goodonya. I spose he could be one of them for whom the problem WAS alcohol and that's all she wrote. Would that it would be so straight-forward for the rest of us.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I went to a meeting tonight and the woman who spoke was.... me!
Dudes, no kidding - I was seated for maybe three minutes before some guy came over to shake my hand and ask me if I'd be the speaker. On the 11th step. The chair (president?) came to second his motion. They were very nice about it, no pressure, they could deal with no speaker... and so I did it.
I'd told them I was nowhere on the 11th step but when I spoke I said it was clear to me that my purpose is to help other people. I just need to be sure when I'm doing so that I'm clear on my intentions or I risk crossing into codependent territory.
Can't yet say "I got the T-shirt" but can say "I got the mug" because they gave me one.
This is the only meeting I've been to thus far that reserves time for meditation. I like it. Not least of all because the building we meet in makes incredible music when it's windy outside.
This may be my home group.
Dudes, no kidding - I was seated for maybe three minutes before some guy came over to shake my hand and ask me if I'd be the speaker. On the 11th step. The chair (president?) came to second his motion. They were very nice about it, no pressure, they could deal with no speaker... and so I did it.
I'd told them I was nowhere on the 11th step but when I spoke I said it was clear to me that my purpose is to help other people. I just need to be sure when I'm doing so that I'm clear on my intentions or I risk crossing into codependent territory.
Can't yet say "I got the T-shirt" but can say "I got the mug" because they gave me one.
This is the only meeting I've been to thus far that reserves time for meditation. I like it. Not least of all because the building we meet in makes incredible music when it's windy outside.
This may be my home group.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I did, Sleepie.
I'm somewhat abashed that I was so opposed to attending AA meetings and at the same time am proud of myself for dedicating myself to adding "something" each time I failed with being sober.
I'm somewhat abashed that I was so opposed to attending AA meetings and at the same time am proud of myself for dedicating myself to adding "something" each time I failed with being sober.
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