Hi Pearlady
Congrats on 3 days!
Being in a relationship with another alcoholic and trying to get sober is pretty tough. Its good that you do have some distance right now. Is he someone you really see a future with? That's not a loaded question btw, just wondering.
Yes I am codependent. Does it trigger my drinking? Yes...and, no. When I am in a codependent relationship and I'm not totally aware of what is going on? (I love me a good Narcissist so sometimes I'm being carefully manipulated) Then yes. My codependency manifests in different ways. But usually its me losing myself completely to the needs of another person. Obsessing on the relationship. Basically I'm addicted to the person. Then I expect them to magically fulfill my needs without actually expressing them (which with men is a losing battle). When they don't, I resent them. Quietly. And continue to do more for them, lose myself more until I have no idea what's happening and I drink. And relationships that are going in this direction, which is usually not a positive one, trigger my PTSD. Once that happens (and its only happened once) its off to Madhatter town.
Boundaries. Not compromising my values. Communication. Taking care of me. I allow people to mistreat me. I'm not a victim. If I don't feel loved and valued I must have the strength to leave the relationship...not lose myself more to 'make it' into something its not.
Don't know if that is anything you relate to. Take care of you and your recovery. If he cares, he will support you and understand that your recovery is priority 1. Hang in there. Don't drink.