Originally Posted by AdelineRose

Welcome! You have found a great place to get support and advice, we have all been there or are currently still going through something similar to what you are.

My first piece of advice would be to go completely no contact with him. He is not a friend, you are not able to help him or "cure" him, and he is putting you through a lot of stress and anxiety along with your mother. The first thing I would do is change my phone number and not have any contact with him at all. The only way to get passed the anxiety and stress is to eliminate the source of the anxiety and stress. The reason you do not feel "free" is because you still have the stressor in your life, even if you are not still in a relationship with him.

I would also not answer his banging on the door no matter how loud it gets. I am not from the UK but I would think that anywhere if someone is banging on your door in the middle of the night drunk that if you called the police that they would have to force him to leave. Also, if he eventually knows that no matter how loud he bangs and yells that he is not going to be able to get you to answer the door then he will eventually stop coming to your home and banging on the door drunk. Even someone who is extremely intoxicated will eventually get the hint if they are never answered or paid attention to.

Have you considered going to counseling so that you can talk through these feelings and address the anxiety? I am sorry you are hurting right now, but unfortunately, breaking up with him was only the first step. The second and third steps usually are breaking all contact and getting the help that we need personally to help move forward and make healthier decisions for ourselves.