So sorry you are going through all this.
I also really recommend Al-anon. It helped me so much. As well as 3d meetings, there are some lovely Al-anon speakers on You Tube which I found to be a great comfort.
It is difficult not to get dragged into the insanity.
My AH was the same when I have had family members pass away, he acted up to bring the attention and focus onto him.
None of this is personal to you, it is an A doing what A's do.