I've been racking my brain to come up with a good definition of intimacy to share with you guys, and it's been very difficult. It's such a personal and complex concept and, as such, very hard to define. I also find myself lost in translation as I try to define intimacy as some of the words I would use in French to explain my vision of intimacy do not have the exact same meaning in English.
To me, the concept of intimacy is rooted in friendship, love and something we call "complicité" in French, which is not exactly the same as "complicity". It could somewhat be define as "partners in crime".
In my mind, intimacy doesn't not exclusively apply to couples. It applies to family, friendship, or any close bond.
In the case of relationships, I think we often fall in love with people without liking them, and it may be why we end up feeling that there is no intimacy. I think you need a real friendship and partnership to develop intimacy in a love relationship.
I think friendship and partnership are also the reasons why you can have intimacy with your friends or you family. At least, it is certainly my case. I feel like I have a certain intimacy with my close friends (women or men), and we're surely not having any sex.
I think it's only with friendship and partnership that you can truly opened up to another person, show who you truly are and "get naked" in a metaphorical way.
As many people said, sex can be had without intimacy or love. But can you make love without intimacy?
That's where language is great. You see, some of you have said that once the intimacy was gone from your relationship with your A, you had no interest in sex, or having sex with that person. But to me, making love and having sex are two different things. Sex implies that two people who are attracted to each other get naked and share a fun time between the sheets, and making love means two people getting naked, both metaphorically and physically, and sharing a moment filled with emotion.
My question to you is this: before the betrayal, before intimacy left your relationship, were you having sex with your A or were you making love?
I know for a fact that I have no interest in making love with someone I don't feel a close and deep bond with.
As for sex, I don't feel like getting naked with someone that treats me like sh!t, doesn't respect me and smells like a dive bar at 3 am. Those reasons kill what I feel is required for sex: attraction.