A lot of good feedback so far.
I get it.
This isn't the first time you've brought this up. In my experience we work on developing patience and perseverance. We seek to understand rather than to be understood. When and if we are forgiven and/or people let us back into their lives again we do better to accept this with gratitude rather than a sense of entitlement.
It's been my experience that this takes time. So does the process of forgiving ourselves. I'm still working on that one. I will tell you that the more time between now and the last time you hurt someone, the more you are able to forgive yourself for your past. Likewise, the more I am restored to a person of integrity and substance, the easier it is to make peace with my past.
Stay clean and engage in recovery and you have a good shot of repairing relationships in your life. Go back to using and they will assuredly get worse.
Put the bat down. You're moving in the right direction. Keep at it even when it feels like nothing is happening (it feels like this a lot). Every once in a while the change will hit you and you'll suddenly ask "what happened?" in a good way.