Dahalk

Hi Everybody,
Here is my story of poor judgement. My wife and i kick back some mixed drinks once or twice a week and have been for about 6 months now. At night i stay home with the kids while she is out with one of our other kids until around 9:30pm. From time to time in the past ( about 3 times in the past 6 months) I have decided to kick a few back after the kids were in bed to relax and watch a tv show. My problem is that i always take it too far and get drunk. Not pass out drunk.. but clearly tipsy. Wife comes home and sees me acting weird... i just say im tired and go to bed. Im sure she knew every time, but wanted to believe me. Every time she would not talk to me for a few day and we made up.
Last weekend we were having some drinks and i decided to have a little extra on the side. I got plastered so fast while talking to her and she clearly knew that i had way more than what i was sipping on. Its been a week now and we havnt spoken hardly at all unless absolutely necessary. Not even eye contact hardly. I still make her coffee in the morning and try to keep being a good husband. She wakes up, leaves for work. Comes home, avoids me and does whatever.

I worry that i have drawn the last straw finally. This forced me to take a really good look at my life. I researched on forums like this about peoples stories. I also did a lot of research about alcoholism and the stages of liver disease, pancreas disease, spleen disease, all kinds of horrible stuff. Alcohol is just poison for your body.. Why would a person poison their body?

I have definitely made the observation that alcohol is not for me. I obviously can't handle it and i want it out of my life. I made a promise to myself that i would not have anymore alcohol in my life because i would rather have my wife and kids.

I have never had a craving for alcohol. Just sometimes I make a poor decision to have some and relax. Its been a week now and i havnt ever had a craving for it. No withdrawal symptoms or feelings like i need to have it. Maybe i am more of a Lush than an Alcoholic.. i dunno... doesn't matter.

I told my wife that i dont want alcohol in the house anymore. Told her that if she wants to have a drink.. she can go get just enough for her for that night. After we are done(me drinking soda) we pour any leftover down the drain. I know what the term "enabler means" but i don't want to label my wife that. I don't want her to resent me for quitting all together when she still drinks from time to time because she can handle it. I don't want to make her feel like she is the one with the problem.

My fear is that i have lied 1 too many times and its a dead relationship due to trust and that we will just "exist" together from now on. I just want my family and would do anything for them. I know that to build the relationship back up.. i need to not lie about it (Not drinking anymore anyways). I know i am done, but i know she thinks i will not be. I just want her to give me the chance to prove it. I am perfectly fine being the designated driver and that one awkward guy in the group who is drinking soda. The payoff is worth it.

I don't know what kind of advice i am asking for.. just felt like talking to somebody about it.

Thanks!