I'm not sure "I deserve it" is quite accurate or fair.
It IS the case that when we harm those we love with our alcoholic and addicted actions, it will leave a lasting mark.
It IS the case that we must own the damage we've done and accept it as fact.
It IS the case that we must to our best to make amends in the ways we can, for our own healing and theirs.
It IS the case that we must be patient and be prepared to accept that those we love may take between 'a while' and 'a very long time' to let go and forgive.
It is NOT the case that we must beat ourselves up over it.
It is NOT the case that we must hold shame about it.
It is NOT the case that we need to let it drag us down.
We must simply do our best, every day, to deepen our sobriety and show those we love that we are serious about being the best we can - for ourselves and for them. We must show them understanding and be patient with them as they heal - just as we are trying to heal ourselves.
In time, that approach will lead to better days for all.