Thank you for posting. It's great you can be so bluntly honest and put it out there. I bet that helped some, just being able to type it out and get it out.
Going to Spain? Wow that sounds wonderful to me. I applaud you for keeping sobriety first in your vacation plans and not just giving up and saying I will drink and then start being sober when I come back. So that means you are stronger than maybe you feel/think.
I hope you can find something, even just one thing to focus on that will give you joy. Maybe you can take some great pictures (and many) or become a taster of all the cultural food and bring back recipes for favorites or maybe learn some of the language or buy a book to study the culture. Immerse yourself.
But no matter what - I bet anything when you come back here and say you stayed sober the whole time - it will make you feel good. I can't wait to hear about it!!
