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I feel angry

Old 05-25-2016, 09:36 AM
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I feel angry

14 days sober this time and something I need off my chest .
The emotion that is dominating is one of anger and is manifesting in general hostility towards people outside the immediate family .
People at work just p**s me off as do shop assistants , other road users, most neighbours .I just cant tolerate most people and I know its not them at fault its me . I'm angry because we have a family holiday booked for September ( all inclusive apartments in Spain somewhere I cant remember where as the Mrs sees to it . ) its one of those places where you pay everything upfront and all food and drink is free thereafter .
I don't want to go because i've blew it . I cant drink and dont want to drink but cant imagine me enjoying myself being around all that booze morning noon and night . I'm angry at being an alcoholic and all this anger is tiring me out . I'm not talking to my brothers and sister because even they bug me with they're smugness about life . I didn't turn up at a recent gathering with them because I was on a selfish binge of my own and I'm so angry and missing it as one brother travelled 450 miles and I couldn't travel 15 to see him . This f****g alcoholism has got me so angry I feel I'm sometimes going crazy .

Thanks for listening .
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Old 05-25-2016, 09:50 AM
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I am sorry that you feel bad.

I do believe that we all go through an angry phase. There are many many phases, our bodies and minds are healing from all the damage we have done. We are learning to FEEL emotions rather than numb them.

The most encouraging thing I can say is it will pass. Try a gratitude list.... what are you thankful for and happy for each day. That may help relieve the anger some... it did for me.

You will get over the hump, stay strong!
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Old 05-25-2016, 09:51 AM
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While it doesn't feel good Thomas, it's perfectly normal to feel as you do. "Feeling" our emotions is a foreign concept when were are drunk all the time so being sober lets all those feelings back through again - both the good and the bad.

Mindfulness is a practice that can help, as well as gratitude. It's difficult to practice at times but it really does help, and especially so over time. 14 days is a great run but you are still very, very raw and your mind is adjusting.

Regarding your vacation, you don't HAVE to go. Yes, others have expectations of us, but it's entirely up to us to decide what is best. If you feel that the pull to drink would be too strong, don't go. There will be lots more of them in the future.
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Old 05-25-2016, 09:52 AM
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Aw Thomas that is really hard. I don't know if you've tried quitting in the past. If this is one of your first swings at sobriety I think anger is really normal. I can remember definite phases of 'why do I have to be alcoholic?', among a lot of other angry and self pitying thoughts (I think the two emotions often go together).

Resentments toward ourselves and others are killers. And anger, at least for me, usually ends of hurting me...even if its 'justified'. Its normal to get irritated, even angry at the world and people around us. But being alcoholic, I cannot indulge my anger and negative thinking. I have to process it quickly, let things I cannot control (everything but me and my reactions) go because whats the use in being angry with things I cannot change? Simple but not always easy. However, absolutely pivotal in remaining sober, at least for me.

The trip. I am SURE there are tons of things to do on this trip besides drink. I know you know this. When you're ready, take hold of your thinking. Ask the Mrs., or research yourself, all the other 'stuff' you can do. I know, I know. I get the suckiness of this....but I think you can turn your thinking around. Will your wife be drinking or can you enlist her as a sober companion?

You're doing so well. I relate a lot to you and remember your pain just a couple of weeks ago. You got this.
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Old 05-25-2016, 09:57 AM
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Congratulations on 14 days have you tried meditation or breathing exercises
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Old 05-25-2016, 10:42 AM
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Thomas, I'm glad you are angry, it means you are feeling something. It also demonstrates that you care.

I concur that the way you are feeling is probably very normal, but I think you have the right mindset. You must eliminate situations that will tempt you until you are comfortable in you own skin. I think many of us have been in situations like parties or vacations where you know you are not going to drink, but your basically grinding your teeth and biting your lip the whole time until you leave, then you breath a sigh of relief. After 6+ months, not drinking becomes the new normal, and its a lot easier. I wish you the best man.
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Old 05-25-2016, 10:45 AM
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It's very normal to feel anger and irritation at others in early sobriety. Bear in mind that these feelings will pass in time.
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Old 05-25-2016, 11:38 AM
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I used to go into this sort of disconnect with society when I stopped drinking, anger, fear, lonliness were my constant companions, always in conflict with something. Eventually I would become so miserable I drank again. It always got worse over time, just not drinking and waiting accomplished nothing. This was because drinking was my soltuion, not my problem.

This inability to live happily in the world is something I have come to know as a spiritual malady, a dsorder, a disconnectedness. When I found a soltuon to that, drinking became unneccesary.
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Old 05-25-2016, 11:45 AM
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Frick I was sober 2 years then went back out then found SR last August and managed 5 Months so now I'm back and got 14 days .
Maybe I should have included in my post that I have a very painful hip and knee right now , xray was normal on the knee and the doc says the pain is referred from the hip where I have some arthritis so this pain isn't helping my moods .

I take on board all that you guys say . I WILL go on the vacation and I won't drink , as you say there will be many other things to do .

I am more determined than ever before that I will do this right and yes I do remember so vividly the state I was in during that last binge then the nightmare withdrawal .

Its strange because I wasn't so irritated last week but as you say it takes time for the mind to level out , stabilise .

I do have a lot in my life to be grateful for so thanks for pointing me towards the gratitude list .

I'm now at work doing my 12 hour night shift and have calmed down and I'm glad I got that off my chest earlier.

Thank you all
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Old 05-25-2016, 12:04 PM
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Anger is a natural emotion in recovery. Actually, anger and self-pity go hand-in-hand. As alcoholics we think (and it may be true) that it's unfair that we cannot drink like "normal" people. Alcohol has become a fabric of our society. Not being able to partake in it really sucks.
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Old 05-25-2016, 12:27 PM
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JWS there is a fair bit of poor me working along side the anger , why me ? is this it ? etc . How confusing is it to think like that when we know fine well where we end up . There is work to be done here and I am here to stay .

I am grateful for SR community .
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Old 05-25-2016, 12:47 PM
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Thank you for posting. It's great you can be so bluntly honest and put it out there. I bet that helped some, just being able to type it out and get it out.
Going to Spain? Wow that sounds wonderful to me. I applaud you for keeping sobriety first in your vacation plans and not just giving up and saying I will drink and then start being sober when I come back. So that means you are stronger than maybe you feel/think.
I hope you can find something, even just one thing to focus on that will give you joy. Maybe you can take some great pictures (and many) or become a taster of all the cultural food and bring back recipes for favorites or maybe learn some of the language or buy a book to study the culture. Immerse yourself.
But no matter what - I bet anything when you come back here and say you stayed sober the whole time - it will make you feel good. I can't wait to hear about it!!
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Old 05-25-2016, 01:58 PM
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There are 9 people going none of whom are heavy drinkers so it's not like its going to be 14 day booze up even for them and I refuse to make an ass of myself no matter what . The food ? yes this I am looking forward to as I am a keen cook I will sample many dishes and take some tips from the Spaniards .

Soul Shine thank you I do feel much better now that I wrote all that down .
You know the way I have been behaving is very like how a toddler would behave if he really wanted something and wasn't allowed then proceeds to have the full street know by thrashing around bawling and screaming ( a tantrum except I didn't shout and scream out loud ) . Maybe next time I feel like this I will go a walk to the woods and scream there .
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Old 05-25-2016, 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Thomas59 View Post
There are 9 people going none of whom are heavy drinkers so it's not like its going to be 14 day booze up even for them and I refuse to make an ass of myself no matter what . The food ? yes this I am looking forward to as I am a keen cook I will sample many dishes and take some tips from the Spaniards .

Soul Shine thank you I do feel much better now that I wrote all that down .
You know the way I have been behaving is very like how a toddler would behave if he really wanted something and wasn't allowed then proceeds to have the full street know by thrashing around bawling and screaming ( a tantrum except I didn't shout and scream out loud ) . Maybe next time I feel like this I will go a walk to the woods and scream there .
There you go, sounds better already. You have 9 people that you can hitch your wagon to.
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Old 05-25-2016, 02:26 PM
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You know the way I have been behaving is very like how a toddler would behave if he really wanted something and wasn't allowed then proceeds to have the full street know by thrashing around bawling

Totally relate to that one
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Old 05-25-2016, 03:03 PM
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I completely relate to all of this, Thomas. I have always been a pretty angry person, drinking or not. It's something I'm really taking seriously now, as part of my sobriety. Learning how to manage my anger, frustration, irritation, etc, especially in regards to others. It's why I began meditating in the first place, I think. A favorite teacher of mine says something like "anger is the child of pride." I have found this to be true: when I sit back and observe the thoughts that occur when I am angry, they are almost always self-centered....wanting to be right, wanting things to be my way, wanting to "run the whole show" as the Big Book puts it. So, for me, a big part of being less angry is finding some real, true humility. Reminding myself that I am just a small part of things.

Just my 2 cents
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Old 05-25-2016, 03:32 PM
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Can empathise with you Thomas as its something that has bothered me since I stopped in November - good that the group you are travelling with are not big drinkers - we had a similar situation however the group I was travelling with all like a good drink and it's the same place we've been the last 2 years that I just see as party central, all the bar staff remembered me last time not a chance I could return as it just has too many memories and would be too much pressure - the wife and daughter despite being a little upset at first understood when I told them it simply was not possible at this stage for me to go back there and be around it all 24/7 - we made a decision as a family to change plans / cancelled the hotel and now booked into an apartment instead away from any temptation or pressures that the AI booze would provide - if you're feeling strong enough then go for it but if like me you really don't feel you would be in any way comfortable watching everyone else getting on it and under too much pressure then I would suggest talking things over with your wife perhaps - through our counselling sessions it was suggested we put down all the pros and cons and the consequences of what could happen with a relapse - the quiet family holiday with just the 3 of us now sounds and feels like a much better option and we're all looking forward to it instead of worrying about what could happen being around that scene with such easy access.

Its troubled me for months and I tried to convince myself I could do it as I didn't want to let others down with plans we'd made but then realised it was just too much too soon and not necessary and if anyone was upset then so be it (they aren't and understand why / actually were expecting it so the worry on that side was unnecessary too) - all that matters is my continued sobriety right now, they'll probably be a time in the future to do those holidays but you know what I question why I would want to go back to that type of hotel - beautiful places but all I associate AI hotels with is as you said booze morning noon and night (holidays were about booze and nothing else) - that was 2 weeks of heaven whilst a practising alcoholic but as a recovering alcoholic it's more like 2 weeks of hell, just also saying not putting unnecessary temptation in front of you and the pressures that would bring is also an option worth considering - I'm almost certain I wouldn't have drunk but it would have been hellish sat there tormenting myself.
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Old 05-26-2016, 06:22 AM
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Zenlifter I have for a while had a plan to take up tai chi or meditation classes but never followed it through . Its time for me to put thinking into actions . You are spot on with your description about anger and wanting to be right etc , another problem I have is with accepting criticism ,I take it too personally ,see it as an attack . The net result of all of this is I alienate myself and get this childish feeling " nobody likes me and I don't care " but the thing is I do care but can be so stubborn. I definitely want to work on this as it is not doing me any good in terms of staying sober long term , Thank you .

Red Andy , I could have been you with regards to holidays and hotels . I have wasted every holiday I have went on with alcohol and as the years went on the drinking sessions got worse in terms of how each one affected me . They progressed from having a hangover every day then drinking around lunchtime to feel better to drinking in the morning to feel better and eventually the binge days were less and the affect was worse and I was waking up during the night drinking back to sleep then after maybe 4 days of that wanting to get home hating being there because withdrawals were so bad , last year in Holland I was alone in my room for 2 days prior to departure day , a total wreck and embarrassment , done the same twice I decided to go on holiday by myself once to Spain once to Majorca , I ended up the loneliest most frightened person in the world because of alcohol binging and bad withdrawals .
Yes yes yes I know what drink will do to me if I do it again I will embarrass my family again , I will end up alone in a room again .
I appreciate the advice better not going if I don't feel strong enough , its still 15 weeks or so away and I believe I will be ok , I feel I have finally got it I honestly do .

Thanks so much
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Old 05-26-2016, 06:40 AM
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during the first couple of months dry, i was angry/sad randimly and often.

felt like cussing my cereal. (i may have.)

hang tough.
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