Originally Posted by fgh55

Hello all,

All of this is very new to me so I am looking for support from people who have been in my shoes. I live in a isolated community in Canada's North so there are no support groups here for me to turn to.

My boyfriend of almost two years has a serious problem with drinking and drugs. Alcohol is his main substance of choice but he has also used cocaine frequently. We were together for 11 months and they were great for the most part. He did drink here and there but it seemed controllable at the time. However, the last 8-9 months were total hell. It went from him lying and sneaking out to drink, getting into fights while drunk, getting stabbed, cheating on me, being verbally, physically, and emotionally abuse towards me, and finally ended in him being arrested and put on conditions to attend treatment. He is now in treatment and has been for the past 2 months. He recently moved into extended care. He seems to be very remorseful for his actions while we were together, but I am still incredibly weary and anxious about everything. Although he is doing well and taking recovery seriously, I still don't know if I fully believe him.

After he was given conditions to go to treatment he left rather abruptly. Since then, I have been left in this small community, helping to care for his son, and with little to no support to understand this disease.

All I feel is anger and resentment towards him right now. I thought after a couple of months of not seeing him it would get better. But its getting worse. I am angry all the time, I wish I could punch him ( I wouldn't but that's how angry I feel). He is so persistent with me too he insists that he will make things right between us and that he wants a life with me and is committed to being sober for the rest of his life.

What are the chances that he can even do this? I hate to sound mean, but I am simply terrified to go through that crap again. I don't know how to make a decision about this. I feel so lost and alone. I love him but I feel like I hate him some days too. How can I even begin to consider being with him after all of the things I have found out?

How does a woman get over her guy cheating on her? I know he was wasted at the time, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I want to be sick just thinking about it. People keep telling me it was his addiction that made him do the things he did. But it doesn't help me to even think of it that way. I still feel so betrayed and humiliated. Maybe I need a better understanding of addiction. I don't know.

Where do I begin? How do I deal with all of this? How do I decide what to do next?