lilly.....I would suggest to you that you might feel less anxious if y ou make a plan for YOURSELF.
I am saying this based on the old advice that we have heard since the beginning of time: "Hope for the best--but, prepare for the worst".
the worst---if that second does come and he relapses....what exactly will you do? How will you manage it...how will you manage the details? What will you need?.....etc..... Plan your l ife out....daydream about it....
I just call that being pro active for your own welfare. You owe that much to yourself.
He doesn't need to know anything about it, either.....
It is between you and yourself.....
dandylion