I can see how the wine is keeping me in denial.
That's probably how I just take it day in and day out.
He goes from being all loving and amazing to talking about suicide later in the afternoon.
HE gets angry -- then goes on raging about money or his arrest or his life -- and will say things like "my life is getting worse every day...." "there is nothing to look forward to..."
Then it will go to -- I should just die. You and my kids can get my life insurance and you will be rid of me ....
And then I will get upset and cry and he will say "you just like playing the victim don't you..." "it's all about YOU"
So then I will drink another glass of wine and he will say ....oh perfect..go drink to deal with me... PERFECT. Clearly you just want to leave me...
I will say no....I just want to be normal. He says it's impossible to be NORMAL.... because I like to have too many surprises in life -- what he means is that I have a job that requires me to do day trips about 2 hours out of town -- and back by dinner. BUT he wants to be with me 24/7 and he refuses to let me go alone.
this is part of the reason he is losing his job is that he decides at last minute to leave work to go with me -- so we can "be together". But we just end up fighting all day long...