Reintroduction
Hi, I am a recovering alcoholic and I joined awhile back. Thank you for taking the time to read this, as I want to become an active member of this community.
As I stated, I joined here awhile back. Unfortunately, I relapsed and had to detox since then. I am much better now. I'm not drinking but I know I must remain vigilant. Daily. Sometimes I miss the escapism or get a craving. I can't drink like most people so I turned to sobriety. There is no going back. Sobriety is the absolute most important. I have found not being around alcohol is easiest to stay sober.
My weakness is that I have an addictive personality, comorbid mental illness (bipolar and anxiety) and I seek escapism. Chronic pain is also an issue for me.
I was an attorney but I've been disabled since 2009, due to bipolar disorder. After a 15-yr marriage ended in a four-year divorce process and the death of my final parent (dad was an addict and died back in 1997)...I picked up alcohol and gradually went from social drinker to a major alcoholic. I started drinking heavily in 2010. I was under so much stress during those four years, I unfortunately took up regularly drinking. It caught up with me.
I feel strong, but I need support from people who get it and don't judge. I like how people here are direct, too. Tell it how it is. I don't ever want to go back to drinking. I can take the straight up talk and prefer it over platitudes.
I tried but didn't really gel with AA so I have been keeping sober on my own with love of my sober partner/boyfriend (no addictions). My stepdad is supportive but a heavy drinker so it's kind of tough. Being a good mom is important to me and that requires sobriety. So I've got that going for me.
I manage, no one has it easy, right?. After all, the only one who can keep me staying sober is me! That said, I did have a bad relapse which led to a second detox this past February. I can't believe I slid in my recovery, but I did. I still shake my head but I haven't picked up since February. I picked up then because I decided to, no one forced me. Detox sucks lol
I hope to find some support here and I like helping others via support. I have a sense of humor so I hope I'm not coming across the wrong way. I can find optimism in most things so why not this?
A bit more of my history:
My brother, whom I love so much, is deep into alcoholism and drug addiction. We were so close and now I don't even know if he is alive, in jail, homeless, or what. Our biological parents are deceased. I have a stepfather who disowned my brother because he stole from him for drugs. I have a good relationship with my stepdad, I think, but deep down I get the feeling that he doesn't think I won't stay sober.
I'm a divorced mom and have a great relationship with my 16 yr old daughter. I was a loner drinking person and hid a lot of it from her, never drove drunk, but quite likely I didn't hide my drinking problem as well as I tried. My daughter is happy to see her mom no longer drinking. My boyfriend unknowingly enabled my drinking and I let him. He does not enable me anymore and we have trust and honesty again. He's awesome.
I also deal with chronic pain and mental illness (bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, Panic Disorder, and OCD). I am medication-compliant 100% for my conditions. Medications are necessary for me, but never to be misused, no street drugs and no alcohol.
Can you tell my alcoholism was/is severe? Ugh lol. Two to three bottles of wine every day for three years. I didn't slug alcohol down my throat all at once but you can bet I was drinking every day, almost all day and night.
I realized I was in deep when I was waking up in the middle of the night with severe withdrawal symptoms. That was my wake up call. Fortunately, I have no liver or other bodily damage from using. My relapse and second detox are behind me and I need help keeping straight. I know I'm responsible for my own experience in sobriety, but I need a "sobriety toolbox" or something?
Anyway, I'm here to give and receive support. I'm a newbie and trying to find my way around the forums. I have a positive attitude and smile a lot. I just wish I was not an alcoholic. But I am sober and I want to stay sober.