Reintroduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 40
Reintroduction
Hi, I am a recovering alcoholic and I joined awhile back. Thank you for taking the time to read this, as I want to become an active member of this community.
As I stated, I joined here awhile back. Unfortunately, I relapsed and had to detox since then. I am much better now. I'm not drinking but I know I must remain vigilant. Daily. Sometimes I miss the escapism or get a craving. I can't drink like most people so I turned to sobriety. There is no going back. Sobriety is the absolute most important. I have found not being around alcohol is easiest to stay sober.
My weakness is that I have an addictive personality, comorbid mental illness (bipolar and anxiety) and I seek escapism. Chronic pain is also an issue for me.
I was an attorney but I've been disabled since 2009, due to bipolar disorder. After a 15-yr marriage ended in a four-year divorce process and the death of my final parent (dad was an addict and died back in 1997)...I picked up alcohol and gradually went from social drinker to a major alcoholic. I started drinking heavily in 2010. I was under so much stress during those four years, I unfortunately took up regularly drinking. It caught up with me.
I feel strong, but I need support from people who get it and don't judge. I like how people here are direct, too. Tell it how it is. I don't ever want to go back to drinking. I can take the straight up talk and prefer it over platitudes.
I tried but didn't really gel with AA so I have been keeping sober on my own with love of my sober partner/boyfriend (no addictions). My stepdad is supportive but a heavy drinker so it's kind of tough. Being a good mom is important to me and that requires sobriety. So I've got that going for me.
I manage, no one has it easy, right?. After all, the only one who can keep me staying sober is me! That said, I did have a bad relapse which led to a second detox this past February. I can't believe I slid in my recovery, but I did. I still shake my head but I haven't picked up since February. I picked up then because I decided to, no one forced me. Detox sucks lol
I hope to find some support here and I like helping others via support. I have a sense of humor so I hope I'm not coming across the wrong way. I can find optimism in most things so why not this?
A bit more of my history:
My brother, whom I love so much, is deep into alcoholism and drug addiction. We were so close and now I don't even know if he is alive, in jail, homeless, or what. Our biological parents are deceased. I have a stepfather who disowned my brother because he stole from him for drugs. I have a good relationship with my stepdad, I think, but deep down I get the feeling that he doesn't think I won't stay sober.
I'm a divorced mom and have a great relationship with my 16 yr old daughter. I was a loner drinking person and hid a lot of it from her, never drove drunk, but quite likely I didn't hide my drinking problem as well as I tried. My daughter is happy to see her mom no longer drinking. My boyfriend unknowingly enabled my drinking and I let him. He does not enable me anymore and we have trust and honesty again. He's awesome.
I also deal with chronic pain and mental illness (bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, Panic Disorder, and OCD). I am medication-compliant 100% for my conditions. Medications are necessary for me, but never to be misused, no street drugs and no alcohol.
Can you tell my alcoholism was/is severe? Ugh lol. Two to three bottles of wine every day for three years. I didn't slug alcohol down my throat all at once but you can bet I was drinking every day, almost all day and night.
I realized I was in deep when I was waking up in the middle of the night with severe withdrawal symptoms. That was my wake up call. Fortunately, I have no liver or other bodily damage from using. My relapse and second detox are behind me and I need help keeping straight. I know I'm responsible for my own experience in sobriety, but I need a "sobriety toolbox" or something?
Anyway, I'm here to give and receive support. I'm a newbie and trying to find my way around the forums. I have a positive attitude and smile a lot. I just wish I was not an alcoholic. But I am sober and I want to stay sober.
As I stated, I joined here awhile back. Unfortunately, I relapsed and had to detox since then. I am much better now. I'm not drinking but I know I must remain vigilant. Daily. Sometimes I miss the escapism or get a craving. I can't drink like most people so I turned to sobriety. There is no going back. Sobriety is the absolute most important. I have found not being around alcohol is easiest to stay sober.
My weakness is that I have an addictive personality, comorbid mental illness (bipolar and anxiety) and I seek escapism. Chronic pain is also an issue for me.
I was an attorney but I've been disabled since 2009, due to bipolar disorder. After a 15-yr marriage ended in a four-year divorce process and the death of my final parent (dad was an addict and died back in 1997)...I picked up alcohol and gradually went from social drinker to a major alcoholic. I started drinking heavily in 2010. I was under so much stress during those four years, I unfortunately took up regularly drinking. It caught up with me.
I feel strong, but I need support from people who get it and don't judge. I like how people here are direct, too. Tell it how it is. I don't ever want to go back to drinking. I can take the straight up talk and prefer it over platitudes.
I tried but didn't really gel with AA so I have been keeping sober on my own with love of my sober partner/boyfriend (no addictions). My stepdad is supportive but a heavy drinker so it's kind of tough. Being a good mom is important to me and that requires sobriety. So I've got that going for me.
I manage, no one has it easy, right?. After all, the only one who can keep me staying sober is me! That said, I did have a bad relapse which led to a second detox this past February. I can't believe I slid in my recovery, but I did. I still shake my head but I haven't picked up since February. I picked up then because I decided to, no one forced me. Detox sucks lol
I hope to find some support here and I like helping others via support. I have a sense of humor so I hope I'm not coming across the wrong way. I can find optimism in most things so why not this?
A bit more of my history:
My brother, whom I love so much, is deep into alcoholism and drug addiction. We were so close and now I don't even know if he is alive, in jail, homeless, or what. Our biological parents are deceased. I have a stepfather who disowned my brother because he stole from him for drugs. I have a good relationship with my stepdad, I think, but deep down I get the feeling that he doesn't think I won't stay sober.
I'm a divorced mom and have a great relationship with my 16 yr old daughter. I was a loner drinking person and hid a lot of it from her, never drove drunk, but quite likely I didn't hide my drinking problem as well as I tried. My daughter is happy to see her mom no longer drinking. My boyfriend unknowingly enabled my drinking and I let him. He does not enable me anymore and we have trust and honesty again. He's awesome.
I also deal with chronic pain and mental illness (bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, Panic Disorder, and OCD). I am medication-compliant 100% for my conditions. Medications are necessary for me, but never to be misused, no street drugs and no alcohol.
Can you tell my alcoholism was/is severe? Ugh lol. Two to three bottles of wine every day for three years. I didn't slug alcohol down my throat all at once but you can bet I was drinking every day, almost all day and night.
I realized I was in deep when I was waking up in the middle of the night with severe withdrawal symptoms. That was my wake up call. Fortunately, I have no liver or other bodily damage from using. My relapse and second detox are behind me and I need help keeping straight. I know I'm responsible for my own experience in sobriety, but I need a "sobriety toolbox" or something?
Anyway, I'm here to give and receive support. I'm a newbie and trying to find my way around the forums. I have a positive attitude and smile a lot. I just wish I was not an alcoholic. But I am sober and I want to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Welcome back!
I suffer from bipolar type 2, GAD, and depression that isn't always bipolar related if that makes sense. I too am 100% medicine compliant and I have found that, that is a HUGE tool in staying sober and in recovery. Unless I am mentally stable then there is no hope. My DOC is heroin not alcohol, but in the end addiction is addiction is addiction.
I also never clicked with AA or NA so instead I have surrounded myself with my family as much as possible and have cut everyone out that is negative, causes drama, or uses. I have a doctor that specializes in addiction, a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction, and a substance abuse counselor. Counseling has really been a great tool, if you do not go to counseling I always tell people to at least give it a try. I am almost 10 months sober so I no longer go every week but I like to check in at least once or twice a month to stay on track and really build a trusting relationship with a counselor.
Journaling has been a great outlet for me, coloring helps get out of my mind if I have having a tough day, yoga and meditation have helped with my anxiety when I feel like I just need that little extra soothing, eating right and exercising has helped with my self image which in turn helps with my depression, and getting involved in my church and volunteering at the animal shelter have given me some healthy activities that I can look forward to.
I suffer from bipolar type 2, GAD, and depression that isn't always bipolar related if that makes sense. I too am 100% medicine compliant and I have found that, that is a HUGE tool in staying sober and in recovery. Unless I am mentally stable then there is no hope. My DOC is heroin not alcohol, but in the end addiction is addiction is addiction.
I also never clicked with AA or NA so instead I have surrounded myself with my family as much as possible and have cut everyone out that is negative, causes drama, or uses. I have a doctor that specializes in addiction, a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction, and a substance abuse counselor. Counseling has really been a great tool, if you do not go to counseling I always tell people to at least give it a try. I am almost 10 months sober so I no longer go every week but I like to check in at least once or twice a month to stay on track and really build a trusting relationship with a counselor.
Journaling has been a great outlet for me, coloring helps get out of my mind if I have having a tough day, yoga and meditation have helped with my anxiety when I feel like I just need that little extra soothing, eating right and exercising has helped with my self image which in turn helps with my depression, and getting involved in my church and volunteering at the animal shelter have given me some healthy activities that I can look forward to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by AdelineRose 
Welcome back!
I suffer from bipolar type 2, GAD, and depression that isn't always bipolar related if that makes sense. I too am 100% medicine compliant and I have found that, that is a HUGE tool in staying sober and in recovery. Unless I am mentally stable then there is no hope. My DOC is heroin not alcohol, but in the end addiction is addiction is addiction.
I also never clicked with AA or NA so instead I have surrounded myself with my family as much as possible and have cut everyone out that is negative, causes drama, or uses. I have a doctor that specializes in addiction, a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction, and a substance abuse counselor. Counseling has really been a great tool, if you do not go to counseling I always tell people to at least give it a try. I am almost 10 months sober so I no longer go every week but I like to check in at least once or twice a month to stay on track and really build a trusting relationship with a counselor.
Journaling has been a great outlet for me, coloring helps get out of my mind if I have having a tough day, yoga and meditation have helped with my anxiety when I feel like I just need that little extra soothing, eating right and exercising has helped with my self image which in turn helps with my depression, and getting involved in my church and volunteering at the animal shelter have given me some healthy activities that I can look forward to.
I suffer from bipolar type 2, GAD, and depression that isn't always bipolar related if that makes sense. I too am 100% medicine compliant and I have found that, that is a HUGE tool in staying sober and in recovery. Unless I am mentally stable then there is no hope. My DOC is heroin not alcohol, but in the end addiction is addiction is addiction.
I also never clicked with AA or NA so instead I have surrounded myself with my family as much as possible and have cut everyone out that is negative, causes drama, or uses. I have a doctor that specializes in addiction, a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction, and a substance abuse counselor. Counseling has really been a great tool, if you do not go to counseling I always tell people to at least give it a try. I am almost 10 months sober so I no longer go every week but I like to check in at least once or twice a month to stay on track and really build a trusting relationship with a counselor.
Journaling has been a great outlet for me, coloring helps get out of my mind if I have having a tough day, yoga and meditation have helped with my anxiety when I feel like I just need that little extra soothing, eating right and exercising has helped with my self image which in turn helps with my depression, and getting involved in my church and volunteering at the animal shelter have given me some healthy activities that I can look forward to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 40
Got some sleep last night - when I first got sober and got through detox and withdrawals, it had been years since I had quality sleep!
It's feels good to wake up refreshed. Not dehydrated, no headache, no guilt, no wondering what happened during my blackout.
(Thanks for the welcome back, Dee.)
It's feels good to wake up refreshed. Not dehydrated, no headache, no guilt, no wondering what happened during my blackout.
(Thanks for the welcome back, Dee.)
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Northeast WI
Posts: 163
I can relate RD. I have major depression, anxiety, and chronic pain as well. I am no longer on long-term narcotic therapy, but I think the years that I was awoke the addictive personality beast. So here I am, too.
Congrats on coming back. The most important thing is what you do right now, today. Pulling for you.
Congrats on coming back. The most important thing is what you do right now, today. Pulling for you.
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