Originally Posted by
James90 
I agree with the summer romance point you said. During the winter months I didn't notice it so much as I was still fairly ill and not really connected with the outside world as such. But now i'm out and about more than I was, my brain/ body seems to no it's summer again and that means drinking all hours God sends. I think really for the first time in 5 months I've had to understand that isn't going to happen anymore, as much as I want it to.
This, "as much as I want it to." (?)
Do you? Because if I thought this way, it would be a very short time before I actually drank.
Thinking about drinking and wanting to are separate things in my world. I think about it because it was something I did for years. I don't want to do it though. I want to have my health and I want to have my sanity and I want to go to bed sober every night on clean sheets with a tummy full of good food and morning coffee to look forward to. I want the anxiety-free life with total relaxation and clear conscience that I enjoy now.
That one hour of buzz is not worth the 23 hours of misery in my life. It took me nearly a year to feel "well" and there is no way I can afford to go back.
If the only reason I didn't drink was because my liver was messed up and I was hospitalized because of it, that would be more than enough reason to keep me away from it. You do realize it can/will kill you, right?