Early check-in for me. Up since 2:30 with insomnia but a lot nicer than being passed out drunk. So I thought I'd read some SR.
I pushed it a little too quickly yesterday coming off my relapse but for a nerdy birder in my part of the world these weeks are the best of the year with all the birds returning and the leaves not yet fully out so you can still easily see them.
For the first mile or two walking in I really thought I might collapse but things settled down a bit after that.
Today I'll round up the empty bottles and cans and move on. Why I still bother to hide these things is a mystery but the garage is full of them, and my study is full of them. I don't think I'll tally them up though. I don't want to know.
Toward the end there one morning I handed my wife my wallet and said take it. She threw it in my face and said who cares? you'd steal it if you had to. Who knows maybe I would have? How sad.
Last week I saw some college kids swiping alcohol at the liquor store and it was almost funny how easy it was. They had a lookout up front and a woman with a large shoulder bag was walking around the store. She'd walk around the end of an aisle with a bottle of booze in her hand. Then she'd walk back and the bottle had magically turned into wine. I know the clerk saw it but he was busy with customers, sadly including me.
Melancholia has a nice sound to it, as miserable as the thing itself is. I was treated for depression, first time, at 21. Don't remember much except feeling like I was under about 100 feet of water the whole time. I flushed the medication although I don't remember why. Been living with depression ever since I think. Nuff about me.
But Casey is right I think; you can endure those feelings, as long as you don't take your old escape route of alcohol (do as I say, not as I did). I realized yesterday that I just can't abide my excuses anymore. Just about excused myself from life on occasion. Believe!
I'm sorry so many of us are struggling, but my goodness you all are an inspiring group of smart, funny, caring people. Hang in there, one day at a time. We can do this, and today, yikes, even I feel up to it. Day 2.
BTW look who's back from South America. I knew they'd be here so I had to get out for yesterday's walk, despite the nausea, etc. Saw dozens of them, the Scarlet Tanager.