Originally Posted by
PeacefulRain 
I should probably stop posting here. I'm feeling so screwed up right now, like there is no hope for me. I can't do it, I can't get through this year of 1st sober. I see my sister going down this rabbit hole now too and THAT scares me more than my own problems. I don't remember if I felt THIS depressed when my dad died, I was really close to him but I still had my mom. I went back to work 2 weeks after he died. I HAD to function. I just freakin hurt so bad that I just don't care. How does an alcoholic stay sober when she just doesn't care?
Please don't give up. I can't say I can completely understand what you are feeling. However, my life changed when my 24 year old step daughter died in our home of an accidental drug interaction/overdose. My perspective on life changed. I started wondering what life is all about. What's it's purpose? There are times when I get full of despair. This is a trigger for me to overdo it when I drink. I haven't figured this out yet. I can't tell you how many times I have tried and failed at this. Today is day 6 for me. To combat those feelings of despair I remind myself of the blessings I do have...people, my dogs, my apartment, clothes, food, etc. I find focusing on the good, no matter how small helps take the edge off of despair and brings my focus from my sadness.