I have turned into someone else..
Hey everyone!
I am 26 years old and ever since middle school I have always known I wanted to be a lawyer. I would win debate teams, couldn't wait to argue with someone just to argue, and I hated just sitting around doing nothing. I used to dream about a massive wedding and the type of house I HAD to have and the ring I just HAD to have.
BUT now that I have been sober for 9 months, I feel like that me from the past was someone I don't even know anymore. Sure, I am about to finish law school but I do not want to be a lawyer at all. I am only completing it since I have gotten this far. Instead, I want to go to school to be a substance abuse counselor. I want a calm life, I don't want to work 60 or more hours a week. I want a large family and don't want to miss every second of their lives.
Now that I have gotten rid of anyone in my life that is a negative influence or is still using I no longer want tons and tons of people at my wedding. I like having his close knit bond with those who are in my life and that is enough for me. 30- 50 people and this way the food can be better quality (do not want to have to pay for 100 or 200 people). I also don't care about having the biggest engagement ring around. All I care about is that we are truly in love and that we continue to better ourselves every day and work on our recoveries. Lastly, the big mansion that I thought I needed to be happy....nopppeee of course I want a nice house..but one that is appropriate and I love to have horses.
I was thinking about what I wanted for my future and I was amazed at how my outlook changed. I used to be high strung, always debating, showing the world I was an independent woman, and always on the move. Now that I take medicine for bipolar, I take my antidepressant, I take my suboxone..and now I don't want drama, I don't want fighting, I want to enjoy life and spend time with my family. I realized that the untreated bipolar heroin addict was so hostile, arguing about everything, and just plain being a bitch. Now that I am on my medicines I am go with the flow, don't do anything that is rash or dangerous, and I am excited to move in a different direction towards becoming a substance abuse counselor.