I have turned into someone else..
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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I have turned into someone else..
Hey everyone!
I am 26 years old and ever since middle school I have always known I wanted to be a lawyer. I would win debate teams, couldn't wait to argue with someone just to argue, and I hated just sitting around doing nothing. I used to dream about a massive wedding and the type of house I HAD to have and the ring I just HAD to have.
BUT now that I have been sober for 9 months, I feel like that me from the past was someone I don't even know anymore. Sure, I am about to finish law school but I do not want to be a lawyer at all. I am only completing it since I have gotten this far. Instead, I want to go to school to be a substance abuse counselor. I want a calm life, I don't want to work 60 or more hours a week. I want a large family and don't want to miss every second of their lives.
Now that I have gotten rid of anyone in my life that is a negative influence or is still using I no longer want tons and tons of people at my wedding. I like having his close knit bond with those who are in my life and that is enough for me. 30- 50 people and this way the food can be better quality (do not want to have to pay for 100 or 200 people). I also don't care about having the biggest engagement ring around. All I care about is that we are truly in love and that we continue to better ourselves every day and work on our recoveries. Lastly, the big mansion that I thought I needed to be happy....nopppeee of course I want a nice house..but one that is appropriate and I love to have horses.
I was thinking about what I wanted for my future and I was amazed at how my outlook changed. I used to be high strung, always debating, showing the world I was an independent woman, and always on the move. Now that I take medicine for bipolar, I take my antidepressant, I take my suboxone..and now I don't want drama, I don't want fighting, I want to enjoy life and spend time with my family. I realized that the untreated bipolar heroin addict was so hostile, arguing about everything, and just plain being a bitch. Now that I am on my medicines I am go with the flow, don't do anything that is rash or dangerous, and I am excited to move in a different direction towards becoming a substance abuse counselor.
I am 26 years old and ever since middle school I have always known I wanted to be a lawyer. I would win debate teams, couldn't wait to argue with someone just to argue, and I hated just sitting around doing nothing. I used to dream about a massive wedding and the type of house I HAD to have and the ring I just HAD to have.
BUT now that I have been sober for 9 months, I feel like that me from the past was someone I don't even know anymore. Sure, I am about to finish law school but I do not want to be a lawyer at all. I am only completing it since I have gotten this far. Instead, I want to go to school to be a substance abuse counselor. I want a calm life, I don't want to work 60 or more hours a week. I want a large family and don't want to miss every second of their lives.
Now that I have gotten rid of anyone in my life that is a negative influence or is still using I no longer want tons and tons of people at my wedding. I like having his close knit bond with those who are in my life and that is enough for me. 30- 50 people and this way the food can be better quality (do not want to have to pay for 100 or 200 people). I also don't care about having the biggest engagement ring around. All I care about is that we are truly in love and that we continue to better ourselves every day and work on our recoveries. Lastly, the big mansion that I thought I needed to be happy....nopppeee of course I want a nice house..but one that is appropriate and I love to have horses.
I was thinking about what I wanted for my future and I was amazed at how my outlook changed. I used to be high strung, always debating, showing the world I was an independent woman, and always on the move. Now that I take medicine for bipolar, I take my antidepressant, I take my suboxone..and now I don't want drama, I don't want fighting, I want to enjoy life and spend time with my family. I realized that the untreated bipolar heroin addict was so hostile, arguing about everything, and just plain being a bitch. Now that I am on my medicines I am go with the flow, don't do anything that is rash or dangerous, and I am excited to move in a different direction towards becoming a substance abuse counselor.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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I have bi-polar acquaintances that I wish could read this. They self medicate. Meds aren't always this awful thing you have to do. I hope your happiness remains. I lost all my artistic ability/creativity now that I quit drinking.
Maybe you will entertain equestrian pursuits someday, that sounds really nice.
Maybe you will entertain equestrian pursuits someday, that sounds really nice.
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AdelineRose, I love that you are evolving into the person you really want to be. And, it sounds like you know what you want and what is really important in life. I love having a calm life too. I had too much drama by far when I was drinking. And, I love small gatherings with people I love, too. I hope you follow your dreams and continue your recovery.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Sleepie I know what you mean about wanting people you know to really face their problems head on. Mental illness makes it impossible to be in true recovery. I got a full psych exam by a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction and I was SO fortunate that he didn't just put me on some crazy high dose. That is why people are always afraid of "becoming a zombie"..that won't happen if you are on the right dose. I try to hint it at some people who are dear to me but they think that it is something can control, and boy it is not.
Anna- I started doing drugs at 14 and I literally feel like I am just now catching up to being a 26 year old. Drugs really drag you down in every aspect of life. I love having a simple and drama free life and when people from school call me a granny and i'm no fun I sometimes wish they could have seen a movie of my life and then they'd understand why I cherish waking up in the morning and not being sick, being able to go anywhere at any time because I don't have to wait for a dealer, etc. etc.
Anna- I started doing drugs at 14 and I literally feel like I am just now catching up to being a 26 year old. Drugs really drag you down in every aspect of life. I love having a simple and drama free life and when people from school call me a granny and i'm no fun I sometimes wish they could have seen a movie of my life and then they'd understand why I cherish waking up in the morning and not being sick, being able to go anywhere at any time because I don't have to wait for a dealer, etc. etc.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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I might have a little perspective on this - graduated from law school in 2010, been a lawyer for 6 years now. I was sober going into law school, that lasted about 4 months. Heavy drinking at the end of law school, then 3-4 years on the job, drinking got very bad. Law is a stressful environment, there is a lot of nastiness, anger, arguing, etc. Stress at work has been a huge trigger for me - not that it's an excuse, and there are plenty of lawyers who either aren't alcoholics or are in recovery. But if you feel like you have had a sea change in your feelings and personality, you may be better suited for something else. A lot of people stick with law school even after they realize they don't want to be lawyers, due to sunken costs. Most regret that they didn't just cut their losses. On the other hand, if you stick with law school, you don't have to be a private attorney who works long and stressful hours. There are a lot of lawyers in non-traditional legal jobs.
I admire the fact that you are critically thinking about it
I admire the fact that you are critically thinking about it
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That sounds great...its sounds kind like a far better life . I hate drama and conflict as well.
Sobriety and the action needed to get and maintain sobriety can bring so much personal growth.
I am glad that you are finishing your law degree....if you decide to pursue a career as substance abuse counselor; your law degree would be a true asset.
I often think that the solicitors that act in the criminal court of petty sessions can be more like human rights lawyers...with so many clients with mental health and substance abuse issues.
Sobriety and the action needed to get and maintain sobriety can bring so much personal growth.
I am glad that you are finishing your law degree....if you decide to pursue a career as substance abuse counselor; your law degree would be a true asset.
I often think that the solicitors that act in the criminal court of petty sessions can be more like human rights lawyers...with so many clients with mental health and substance abuse issues.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
cool. very cool.
maybe you could kind of do both... with your legal qualifications, maybe you could go into a niche of representing people who are in trouble with the law due to their addictions - and also assist them in their process of rehabilitation and sobriety.
Perhaps there is a hybrid of some sort... a cool / unique way you could use the time and energy you've invested in law school to build a rewarding career in both law and recovery. Perhaps there's a non-traditional path that could be really rewarding.
Or perhaps it's just been a really great process of coming to understand what you REALLY want to do. There is a deep gift in arriving at that understanding.
maybe you could kind of do both... with your legal qualifications, maybe you could go into a niche of representing people who are in trouble with the law due to their addictions - and also assist them in their process of rehabilitation and sobriety.
Perhaps there is a hybrid of some sort... a cool / unique way you could use the time and energy you've invested in law school to build a rewarding career in both law and recovery. Perhaps there's a non-traditional path that could be really rewarding.
Or perhaps it's just been a really great process of coming to understand what you REALLY want to do. There is a deep gift in arriving at that understanding.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Thank you all for your replies 
I only have one semester left of law school and then I will move towards my master's in substance abuse. I have talked to my substance abuse counselor about my feelings and she thinks that being a recovered addict, knowing about the law, and just being who I am will make me a great substance abuse counselor. Before I was sober I would of felt like it was impossible, now I am motivated and can't wait!
I have always loved learning, until drugs took over me. Now I am back to loving learning and bettering myself. I have started having a list of positive things I want to work towards to help keep me ALWAYS moving forward.
I only have one semester left of law school and then I will move towards my master's in substance abuse. I have talked to my substance abuse counselor about my feelings and she thinks that being a recovered addict, knowing about the law, and just being who I am will make me a great substance abuse counselor. Before I was sober I would of felt like it was impossible, now I am motivated and can't wait!
I have always loved learning, until drugs took over me. Now I am back to loving learning and bettering myself. I have started having a list of positive things I want to work towards to help keep me ALWAYS moving forward.
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