I think it's great that you're talking with a lawyer to see what can be done. I probably need to, but I'm personally struggling with the thought of whether or not it'd stand any chance of changing any part of AXH's behavior...
Can I gently point out that with this:
Originally Posted by
lizatola 
The sooner I stand up for myself, the sooner MAYBE I can get some respect.
it sounds like you might be looking for bread at a hardware store - to kind of reuse that phrase? Are you expecting your ex to respect you for standing up for your son, which in this case, means standing up to him (your ex)? Even if your ex were to start pulling his share of the weight financially, it wouldn't necessarily mean he respects you. It could simply mean he's only afraid of what the courts will do if he continues to misbehave.
Or were you meaning that once you stand up for yourself and your son, it'd be easier for you to respect that you'd done all you could for your son?