"I have to make it stick in my head that I can't drink PERIOD. I need to stop trying to prove it to myself and just accept it. I want it to be over."
it can be over.
to win the war yer gonna have to give up the battle- surrender.
acceptance can help,too.
i would suggest some more action,too- more than just getting it from your head to your heart you cant drink. might be wise to start lookin at the recovery methods available to help you.