For most of my life I thought I was extroverted. I was apparently social and a leader and outgoing and confident.
It turns out, I actually have a lot of social anxiety and self doubt and fear and uncertainty. I didn't realize it until I stopped drinking and drugging and got clear in the head and with my emotions.
It actually got worse..... sweating and trembling at times in social situations... needing to calm myself.... worrying about what to wear as I will sweat through my shirts....
Everyone still says how outgoing and social and confident and what a leader I am. Yet on some level I still don't believe it. Still feel a fraud.
I'm working at it. It isn't easy and it's frustrating and often my solution is just to avoid people or uncomfortable social situuations. I'm growing and getting there.... but it is slow going at times.
I'm glad to be doing it all in sobriety. I've avoided meds so far, though I consider it frequently.... maybe a period of well tendedone medication would give me the space to rewire my mind-body circuitry. But for now it isn't so terrible that I'm ready to introduce meds. My history with drugs and alcohol leaves me with concern about how meds may influence me.... what they may do to erode my sobriety..... and also I want to do all I can to address my issues with clarity and my whole focus. That's said, I am prepared to try medication if things get too challenging or if life just isn't manageable. So far, it's never got to that point.
Anyway.... I wish you well, I understend, you're not alone. Stay sober and keep working on YOU.