Hi Healthy,
Even after years away from active alcoholism and addiction, I am seeking therapy for the effects it has had on me. I am married to a recovered alcoholic, have lived with devastating addiction, and grew up in an emotionally disfunctional home.
I didn't even know I was messed up. I just knew that I have always felt something was wrong with me. I was ok sometimes, and sometimes I felt crazy. I always had crazy relationships.
It is painful to dig down and see where all that comes from, but my life is really good now, and I can not fully enjoy and appreciate it. I am self destructive. If I don't do this now, I will find a way to create chaos in my life again, and it will look like it is coming from someone or somewhere else.
I don't know if that makes sense to you, but even when there is peace in my life, I am not completely ok.... Something is missing. That is the thing that drives me to make one little decision after another that will put me right back in the middle of the crap I worked so hard to get out of.
I decided I need help. I found a therapist that works back to the time that I first developed that emptiness that drives me. I go to Alanon for support. I have some really good friends there that I trust. I never believed in all the hocus pocus therapy stuff, but if my life is exactly like I wanted it, and I still am incomplete, then I need to start looking for something that can help. I am hoping this will.
Right now, I would rather not dig up old wounds and feel like I am out of control emotionally, but I am being told by trusted people that if I do this, it will heal that "hole in my soul". That would be worth the feeling like garbage that this therapy is causing. I can handle anything for a period of time. Growth causes pain. I can do that.
Anyway, just wanted to share this. Maybe you can maintain without having to do anything else. I hope you can! But if you find yourself in the middle of another situation saying, "How did this happen?" This post might help. I only wish you love and happiness! Magic