Big hug to you Healthyagain and so happy to hear what a difference a year can make. I imagine if you would have stayed you would have sunk as deep as he has.
Sometimes I wonder if it is harder to grieve these addicts than death. I certainly don't want to diminish the pain one feels when someone dies; it is just that with addicts the emotions are so complex: guilt, hope, grief, pain, anger. Irk.
When I was going through the grief with my qualifier, I thought of each wave of grief as something that would put me closer to healing as I went through it.
Well my rambling probably doesn't help just wanted to "bear witness" to your pain.
Again big hug!