So overwhelmed tonight, but cannot define how I feel
April 27th last year was the day when I went to the local DV organization. It was Monday, and that weekend was the worst weekend ever. It was when I told my ex that I am planning to move out sometime in July/August. He gave me such a hard time that I actually moved out asap. It was May 18th.
A year later, I am in a great place. My career is back on track, I was able to pay the IRS debt + do not have any this year because I paid everything in full. I am completely independent financially. I have my own place, met the whole neighborhood, exchanged phone numbers with new people. I am aware that I have to take care of myself that I have to rebuild my life. Have not done anything dumb, keeping toxicity and bile out.
Yet tonight, I feel some emptiness. I am thinking of my ex, just feeling really bad for him. I just was not even aware how he was already so deep in alcoholism when I left. And I am glad I did leave, do not get me wrong. But there is this feeling of bitterness, thinking that we could have succeeded if only . . . but he had to be defiant and mean.
They say Lucifer fell because of pride. I think he fell because of defiance. I saw this defiance in my ex . It came straight from hell. It is as if he is possessed just sinking deeper and deeper. Where is the bottom? And why should I care?
It feels so good to share this. Thank you for reading!